the real reason

My life testimony

2010-10-22T06:41:00.000-07:00

My life before I really met Christ was a confusing, lifeless, miserable one—for me. Even though I grew up in a Christian home, my parents teaching me God’s word, His commandments and the right values, those things still didn’t made the cut for me—of course—to have an amazing encounter with Jesus. I attended Kid’s church as far as I can remember in my young life, even though they teach us every Sunday that Jesus loves us, and that He died for all of us, I know that there’s still something that I’m looking for, I just didn’t know exactly what it was. So I grew up having these questions in me, “What am I really looking for? What is it exactly?” These questions left me to wonder and a bit confused. As I start to open my eyes to the world around me, as I let it lure me to its enticing ways, it brought me to a place where all of us have been. I closed myself to God’s ways and let the world love me, and I loved it in return. I knew that what I was doing back then, was wrong—being in love with the world and its ways. I thought that I would find the answer to my question by loving the world, but I was wrong, so wrong. At the back of my mind, or maybe my conscience, there’s this thing that keeps on pulling me back, keeps on pulling me out of the world. It’s like I’m in the darkest tunnel that you could ever think of, but at the end of it, there’s this light, a light that made me realize that I can’t forever stay in the dark, I have to get out, but I didn’t know how. I know I was so into the deep that it’s going to be hard for me to find my way out. Then the fear started to come like a huge wave that is about to crush me. It was the scariest and most terrifying point in my life, where I felt that there’s no one to help me, with no one to guide me back, with no hand to hold, and no one to turn to. I felt so alone. Suddenly, I felt the urgency to just hide and cry, and something happened.
Someone I’ve never really felt and encountered before took my hand, comforted me and just embraced me. I’ve never felt Him like that before; it was the first time that I felt His warm embrace, His arms around me, just caressing me. I’ve never felt so loved, and so safe. Right then I realized that this was the answer to my question. This moment, was the one that I’ve been looking for, my entire life. I finally had my own amazing encounter with Jesus; I was actually looking for Him personally. I felt Him, for the first time, very surreal in my heart. I can’t describe it in words what it is exactly that I felt, but for all of us, I’m sure you do know. For us it is the most fulfilling moments of our lives, where you’ve never felt so secure, and so assured of who you are, to just one very important and special person, and that is Jesus. I finally met Him. This is where we can actually say that we are in a point of no return. Where you would realize that you wouldn’t want to go back where you have been, but would want to continue your amazing and adventurous walk with Him. It is so awesome to think that I am just a worthless, very sinful human being, but still He chose to look for me, to save me from my miserable life—like a damsel in distress, and to just love me as I am, as me. I don’t have to fake anything for Him accept me, He already did. He made me realize that He is my wonderful redeemer and with that, He gave me a new heart, a new life.
They always say that “life is a choice.” Now that I know Christ, it is my time to make my choice. The choice whether to love Him back or not, to let Him live in my heart and reign over me, and definitely, I have a sure answer with that—it is a big YES. In Him will I only find my true purpose and destiny in my life. Now, I am choosing to close the world from me, and to just shut it. I am now and forever choosing to live for Him, to walk in His ways, to keep in step with His spirit, to desire His desires, to want what He wants, to choose His will and not mine, and to serve Him faithfully for the rest of my life. It is actually my privilege now to introduce Him to others like me before, who is so lost, in a need to be found and trying to find the real meaning of life. I know that whatever I do would not be enough to pay Him back for what He did for me. All I know is that He just wants me to love Him, love others, and be faithful to Him in everything that I do with this new life that He gave me. I am choosing to live my life to the fullest for Him alone. I believe that my life after I met Christ is the most amazing story that God has given me. But I also believe that it is still in writing and passing, He still does have lots of things yet to unfold in my life and with yours too. As we witness how God does amazing things in our lives, let us keep running the race that He has marked out for us. Let’s celebrate life! With that, my name is Kariza Grace Padrique, and this is my testimony. 

Crystal brown eyes

2009-04-10T22:55:00.000-07:00

It was the first time that I looked at someone straight in the eye. At first I thought that it was going to be uncomfortable, but as I starred at it a little longer, I fell madly, deeply in love in his eyes. It was the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen in my entire life, and I would never forget that moment. The very moment that I looked deeply into his eyes, I felt so safe, so sure and never regretting anything at that time.

As I was starring into those beautiful eyes, I was surprised to see, that those eyes was starring back at mine. That was the first time I felt that the world has stopped spinning, time has paused just for us to cherish the moment.

As I was looking into those beautiful, gentle, soothing, honest and very sincere eyes, he smiled at me and it was like he was talking to me through his eyes and his smile. There were no lies in his eyes; it was very honest and true. Even in every angle as you look at it, every bit of it you can sense that nothing is lying with his eyes.

Looking deeply into those eyes was like seeing who he really is on the inside, it was like knowing his true soul, and not afraid to show me everything that is in him, he has nothing to hide. He was letting me see who he really is. He was very transparent, shinning and sparkling, just like a crystal, but just as precious as a diamond that is very hard to break.

I guess after all this, I believe in the saying that you can see a man’s inner soul once you look at him in the eye. Eyes never lie, and once you look at it very sincerely you will surely know what is in that person’s heart, mind and soul and it is very precious, elegant and very special.

The eyes are very honest and true and are never hiding anything. Just like a precious gem, like a crystal or a diamond you can see through it very clearly, and just like a diamond, it would last for a lifetime, no, I would say, even forever.

Author: anonymous

the point of no return

2009-04-10T22:33:00.001-07:00

Since I was a kid, God has been introduced to me by my parents at a very young age. My parents had been in the church since they were in their campus days. So it simply means that I’ve been in a christian church since I was born, but of course I wasn’t born a Christian, because I still haven’t accept Jesus in my heart while I was still in the womb of my mom. Anyway, I’ve been in the church life since I can even remember. I attended kids’ church back at U-belt—I can still remember my teachers back then. I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior when I was 7yrs. Old; I remember it was an Asian Invasion. Well at some point I really do know what I decided that day, it’s what my parents have been telling me for a long time and I finally decided to do it. It’s really great how my parents never forced me when I was a kid to make that kind of decision, instead they wanted me to figure it out for myself. Since that day, I already gave my life to Christ, made Him as my Lord and Savior, and also decided to live to glorify His name.

When I reached the age of ten, I was in 5^th grade, finally I stayed at one school for 4yrs. I had lots of friends, in and out of school. That time I was the kind of kid that thinks mature for her/his age. My mind was opened with the whole world, so certainly I know what’s going on around me, even in the secular world that is. My parents at that time, was always busy at work and also with the ministry. So there was a season in where our routine as a family was, I wake up in the morning to go to school, both of them are still tired from work so it’s either my mom or my dad who would go out of bed to assist me in the morning then I would go to school and after I left for school, they would go to work. When I go home from school no one was home except for me who would be going in, I would do my homework and review lessons then I would hang out with my friends. When night comes I’m still out of the house even though I’m not allowed to be out after sun down, but sad to say I was breaking the rules. There are a lot of times that I would eat dinner by myself, well because I don’t have any brothers and sisters and we certainly don’t have a maid at home, I never really liked having maids it’s because I like my mom to assist me with everything. Sometimes I eat dinner at my best friend’s house, fortunately her house is just about 30 steps from our house so it’s very comforting. So after my parents arrive from work I would hang out with them for ten minutes then go upstairs and get ready for bed and school for the next day.

It was a pretty lame routine I guess, but that was my life, during my adolescence and puberty stage. I am not blaming my parents here, I understand why that happens and why they do that, and that is because they have to work hard for us to survive another day and for me to go to school everyday. But during those times that my parents weren’t around, I was living the double life, and I feel ashamed of it. Double life, because during weekdays I am at my own self and doing my own thing at my own terms, and during weekends I was this kind of girl who goes to church, tries to have a halo on her head, tries to keep nice (and civilized), the kid who is really active at kids church and memorizes every memory verses and the whole lesson every week, so simply the double life.

I’m kind of like getting used to it, and it wasn’t that hard to live a double life, I mean you’re like in those movies in where you hide your true identity for you to live this other life. And believe me I stayed in that double life for almost 4yrs. I mean I cannot imagine how I endured it for that long. I was so ashamed for all the things that I did, especially my dad was a pastor during those times, and there was a lot of pressure along the way because of that. I mean I cannot put my father in jeopardy because of the silly things that I did. I was so ashamed.

It was my choice to live that kind of life. Sadly on that kind of life, it was the life in where I was running away, running away and not even knowing that I was, running away and don’t even know myself anymore. I don’t even know who or what I’ve become. Most certainly I was running away from God and His destiny upon my life. I wasn’t afraid, but I was beautifully distracted to the things that kept me from going back to God. It was a dark life, but the way that I look at it before was, there was someone who is shedding me some light, at some point I cannot see anymore where I’m going but still there was this light that kept me going, the light that lead me back to God. It was only a matter of 4yrs measure time before I realized that, that light was God wanting to lead me back. So when did I realized that I’ve gone too far enough?

I can still remember that day; I was in 2^nd year high school. I went to a party with my friends at school. The party was at the house of one of our classmates. I was the last to arrive at the place, so I really have no idea what was going on. As I went up to the room where the real party was, two of my guy classmates went out and decided to go home, but before they went on their way, they tried to stop me from going into the room and I didn’t understand why, so I just ignored them and told them to go on their ways and I’ll go inside the room. I can still remember what they said to me, “tisay wag ka na tumuloy baka kung ano lang mangyare sayo, di kame nagbibiro”. I never believed them because they’re the kind of guys who treats everything as a joke during class time so I never believed them. Plus they call me not by my name but by their a.k.a on me and that is “tisay”. I still went despite of the warning that they gave me.

Once I got in the room, I saw that nothing was wrong except for the people who are inside that room. Then something happened, a game was played by eight people and that includes me, there were 4 girls and 4 boys. Suddenly, they uttered the words “let the games begin!!” It was actually a much known game by everyone and it’s not that complicated when it comes to the rules of the game, it was a “spin the bottle”. They made me participate the game without explaining the complications behind it, it wasn’t a simple game played by everyone, but it was the game that none of us should even play. I mean I know that a lot of people knows and plays that game, but not with the rules that was in our own game that night. They made their own rules by it, and the rules and the game itself is not meant for students like me or us! So I just went with the flow and played the whole game with them, every bit of it I played.

At some point I was so scared for what happened back there, but it made me wake up and realize that I’ve gone too far enough. I was so scared, it’s because one little thing leads to another then another then another, it’s like in the preaching of “chain reaction”, sunod-sunod na ang magiging results, you can’t stop it anymore because everything is already falling, falling in the wrong place. Right at that moment I became so afraid of what would take place after everything that had happened.

That night was actually a Friday so after I got out from the party, I went for a walk, as I was walking my tears are starting to well up from my eyes, everything at my sight that time was a blur. I cried myself out as I was walking down the street, and I know that a lot of people are looking at me. But I can’t help it; I was so scared for what happened. Then I remembered that it was a Friday and there was a youth service that night, so immediately I ran and went to the center. My friend saw me as I walked in, and my friend just noticed that my eyes are bloated, so my friend asked me what was wrong but still I wasn’t at a great consciousness at that time, so I didn’t respond. Every one of my friends that night was asking me what was wrong, but I never had the nerves to tell them what actually happened.

Then the preaching that time was like a sword that pierced through me, it was about running away, running away from God and from the things that God wants for you, and of course those things are just the best. I cannot remember exactly what the main point was, but I knew that God was finally talking to me that very night. It was a big breakthrough for me that night, and those were the moments in where everything just flashed back at me. Then God showed me this other picture, it was a picture of me living my life to the fullest, living for God, living to serve Him. It was a picture in where it feels like you’re living the life that God wants for you, and it was a very beautiful picture.

Right then I realized that God is speaking to me. He wants me to fulfill that life, that very beautiful and feel perfect life with Him, but in order for me to do that, I must first come back to Him and never let go. When you think of it in words, it really sounds easy, but still at those times I was so ashamed, but God told me one more thing, and that is “He loves me and He wants me to be with Him, I’m important to Him, and once He forgave me for what I did it’s nothing to Him anymore.” It’s like He already forgot about it. I’m His daughter and His princess; He is my Father, my King, my very best friend, my Lord and my Savior. That night it’s like God broke the chains inside me.

The words that I uttered after that night was, I am in a place in where, I am in a POINT OF NO RETURN, because I would never want to go back to kind of life that I have before, the kind of life without Jesus. Now I have chosen the life that is with God, I have chosen to be with God for the rest of my life, and I would never trade it for anything. It’s like God saved my life twice, and for that, it only proves one thing. That no matter who you are, no matter what you are and no matter where you’re from, you are important to God. He would do anything just for you to turn around and look at Him and CHOOSE Him. For God, you choosing Him are already very fulfilling for His heart, and that is because He loves you so much, and all He wanted is to be with you. Can you imagine that? Someone who really wants you, who really wants to be with you and will always, be there for you. Once you came to know who God really is in your life, and once you came to know how He truly loves you then you would never want to go back, you would never want to return to where you were before, instead, you would be in a place in where, you are in a POINT OF NO RETURN, and that is because of Jesus.

the meaning of my name Kariza Grace

2008-12-31T06:14:00.001-08:00

kariza

Versatile, intelligent and artistically talented. You love to enjoy yourself and tend to experience a happy domestic life and material success. You have a methodical and thorough mind and are able to organise large projects easily. Charming and likeable and with more than your share of sex appeal you tend to find yourself in the spotlight and much admired by others. Life is more fun with you around.

iza

Sensitive and emotional you are highly intuitive and have a wonderful imagination. The instinctive impressions which you receive about people and situations are usually accurate and mean that you can rarely be misled. You have healing and counselling abilities which can help to alleviate the suffering of others. Your loyalty, integrity and belief in life means that you are much admired and assured of many friends.

krizzy

Gentle, affectionate and tolerant you are nonetheless determined and ambitious with the ability to lead. Sympathetic and understanding you are a humanitarian who wishes to improve the lives of others less fortunate. You have a keen intellect, strong intuition and creative ideas which are always put to practical purpose. You are loved by others for your inspiring optimism and for being a genuine friend.

Kariza Grace

Your energy, enthusiasm and willingness to seek out new challenges makes you an inspirational leader. You adhere to the principles of honesty and integrity and support order and justice. With a perceptive and probing mind you love to delve below the surface of things in your quest for knowledge. Your natural talents and productive nature may draw you to the fields of writing or research.

Grace

Graceful "Latin"

Life is never dull with your adventurous and restless spirit. You are always on the move and seeking a new challenge to pit your wits against. Being in touch with nature you love the outdoors. You have keen intuition and a desire for knowledge and you can be something of a crusader. When you apply discipline and tenacity to your energetic mind then leadership positions are easily available to you.

what does my name say?

2008-12-31T06:11:00.000-08:00

You Are Smart and Curious

You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life.

You are also a keeper of knowledge - meaning you don't spill secrets or spread gossip.

People sometimes think you're snobby or aloof, but you're just too deep in thought to pay attention to them.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.

You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.

You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.

You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.

You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.

You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.

You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are incredibly wise and perceptive. You have a lot of life experience.

You are a natural peacemaker, and you are especially good at helping others get along.

But keeping the peace in your own life is not easy. You see things very differently, and it's hard to get you to budge.

You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life.

You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone.

Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.

You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily.

You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind.

A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.

You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.

At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

*infernes, a lot that was mentioned here was TRUE....

60 things a girl wants but wont ask for

2008-12-31T06:10:00.001-08:00

60 things a girl wants but wont ask for

1. Touch her waist.

2. Actually talk to her.

3. Share secrets with her.

4. Give her 1 of your sweatshirts

5. Kiss her slowly.

Are you remembering this?

6. Hug her.

7. Hold her.

8. Laugh with her.

9. Invite her somewhere.

10. Hangout with her and your friends together.

KEEP READING

11. Smile with her.

12. Take pictures with her.

13. Pull her onto your lap.

14. When she says she loves you more, deny it. Fight back.

15. When her friends say i love her more than you, deny it. fight back and hug her tight so she can't get to her friends. it makes her feel loved.

Are you thinking of someone?

16. Always hug her and say hi whenever you see her.

17. Kiss her unexpectedly.

18. Hug her from behind around the waist.

19. Tell her she's beautiful.

20. Tell her the way you feel about her.

One last thing you need to do to show her you actually do mean it.

21. Open doors for her, walk her to her car- it makes her feel protected, plus it never hurts to act like a gentleman.

22. Tell her she's your everything - ONLY if you mean it.

23. If it seems like there is something wrong, ask her- if she denies something being wrong, it means SHE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT- so just hug her

24. Make her feel loved.

25. kiss her in front of OTHER girls you know

WE MIGHT DENY IT BUT WE ACTUALLY LIKE AND KINDA WANT YOU TO TICKLE US

26-DON'T lie to her

27-DON'T cheat on her!

28-take her ANYWHERE she wants

29-text message or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at work {or school}, and how much you MISS her.

30-be there for her when ever she needs you, & even when she doesn't need you, just be there so she'll know that she can ALWAYS count on you.

ARE YOU STILL READING THIS? YOU BETTER BECAUSE, IT'S IMPORTANT

31. Hold her close when she's cold so she can hold YOU too.

32. When you are ALONE hold her close and kiss her.

33. Kiss her on the CHEEK; (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her).

34. While in the movies, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her LIGHTLY.

35. Dont EVER tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you're mad. If shes upset, comfort her

REMEMBER ALL THESE THINGS WHEN YOU ARE WITH HER NEXT

36. When people make fun of her, stand up for her.

37. Look deep into her EYES and tell her you love her.

38. Lay down under the STARS and put her head on your chest so you can cuddle

39. When walking next to each other grab her HAND.

40. When you hug her HOLD her in your arms as long as possible

MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS SHES LOVED

41. Call or text her EVERY night to wish her SWEET DREAMS

42. COMFORT her when she cries and wipe away her tears

43. Take her for LONG walks at night.

44. ALWAYS Remind her how much you love her.

45.sit on top of her and tell her how much u love her and then bend down to her face and kiss her while sitting on her.

46. Rub her back

47. Give her your hoodie if she's cold

48. Write letters on her back with your finger

49. Let her sit on your lap

50. DON'T poke her hard...but if you want to mess around just do it lightly.

51. HOLD her HAND in PUBLIC.

52. Even if she looks BAD one day tell her she's BEAUTIFUL

53.""" Keep conversations flowing...talk about anything usually they just go along with it.""""

54. If their hair is in their face move it out of her face and then kiss her passionatley and gently.

55. Surprisingly sneak up on her and hug her from behind

56. Kiss her in the rain.

57. Pick her up like in The Notebook and kiss her.

58. Slow dance with no music

59. Don't ignore her or be nervous around her--everythings going to be okay

60. Love her, kiss her, hold her, and you'll be good to go.

Changes

2008-12-26T00:38:00.001-08:00

Changes can never happen overnight. It undergoes a process; it is actually a process, sometimes long and sometimes just in a pretty short time. There are changes that results in good or bad. Some change not noticing that they have already changed, some change because they have done it on purpose. But whatever changes that may be, it’s still change and nothings going to change that fact.

I always remember the saying that, “the only thing that is constant in the world is change”. That fact is already proven a long time before I was born, and even I can never change it. I looked up in the dictionary on what does the word constant means, and it says there, constant is continually recurring; persistent. A thing that is unchanging and invariable.” Even in the meaning of “constant” the word “change” was still mentioned there. Now I looked up for the meaning of change—I mean I don’t even know if you still need to know the meaning of it, but anyway for those who doesn’t know the meaning of it, here is your chance to know what it means. “Change is to be or cause to be different, the act, process or result of changing.” Even though the word “constant” was not there, there was this word that I mentioned at the first part, that change is a process. It doesn’t happen in one snap of a finger or in one blink of an eye. It is a process. It is a process that all people have experienced, and right now a lot is still experiencing it.

Changes are always present in my life, and even with a lot of people. Changes sometimes hurt, sometimes it feels good, and sometimes you just can’t feel anything about it. But one thing is for sure in the change that happens to me, it really feels good after the process, because I know that when I change, I change for the better good.

There are some changes that are really hard to resist, and there are some that it just happens. But there are times that you don’t even know that you can change it, that you will just be surprised that you have changed without putting an effort to it, you have already changed. You will even feel proud of yourself when that happens.

There are changes that are complicated. Complicated because there are some things that needs to be sacrificed for you to be fully changed, and sometimes that sacrifice will really hurt. But even if it does really hurt, you will have no choice but to do it because you have to, you need to change.

There’s this one time in where I just asked myself, is change really necessary? why can’t something just stay the way that it is? I mean if that thing is already good why does it have to change? One short answer came up to me. Everything that happens has it’s own purpose, God never allows something if it won’t help us, and that it only proves that God is in control of everything. God holds everything in the palm of His hand. Even He allows changes to happen in the whole world not only to us—but of course that change in the world would still affect us no matter what.

Changes are always for the better good, I have already proved it. God allows changes to happen to us so that we can be better persons. Recently God changed a lot of things in my life and it feels really good that I have changed. It really proves that God always wants what is best for all of us. Changes in life are really exciting, because you can never know what result would take place in the change that you are in.

We should always be thankful if we are undergoing changes in life, it may be a hard one, but still we should be thankful about it because we can be assured that after it, we would become much better persons that we are before. The mere fact that change is present in our lives is a great proof that we do have a life, a life that is great, beautiful, and very exciting.

Be Strong

2008-09-27T04:30:00.001-07:00

Is this too good to be true? Was any of it real? Or am I just dreaming? It’s probably something that I didn’t expect to come along. Something I never saw coming. Something I never thought of having. Something I never thought of needing, in due time. Something I didn’t felt before but now here it is, and it’s really here.
Now that it’s here, it seemed that I can’t get enough of it. The truth is I am already afraid of loosing it. I already love it. Knowing it more and deeper makes me more attached to it. Knowing it more gives me a lot reasons to be grateful for it.
There are a lot of questions in me right now that I wanted to be answered, answered with a reasonable answer and explanation behind it. Like, if it is still right for me to enjoy it, or if have the right to be afraid of loosing it. The one big question that I want to ask is, is everything still right?
I want it now more than anything else. Now I can say that I need it, I want it, I have it and I can feel it. It’s here and I won’t let go of it. I’m just going to enjoy it, there’s nothing that I need to be afraid of, because everything will fall in its place, everything will be alright. Be strong..

Fairy Tales

2008-07-27T04:29:00.001-07:00

I always see my life as a fairy tale; no actually I wanted it to be as a fairy tale. I always believe that my life will end with a happy ending like in the fairy tale stories. It’s not bad to dream and to have your hopes high. It’s true, in life anything can happen. I’m really praying for the very best happy ending to happen in my life, and to tell it honestly, I can’t wait to see it and to know how it would end. But I’ve once said that in “Every happy endings, has a great, wonderful and exciting new beginning after It.” The moment that it’s over, you would wish that there is just more to tell. But it’s going to be a new beginning, a new story to tell. How do we wish that we would know what really happened to Snow White after her happily ever after, or Cinderella, or Sleeping Beauty, or Belle in “Beauty and The Beast”? But for me, I wanted my story to be written even after my happily ever after, everything will be written even the sad times and the good times. God has prepared something for me and I just know it that it would be the greatest happily ever after for me. It’s the most wonderful thing. But why do people often believe in fairy tales and chooses to live in the reality? One thing that I believe in the most is that with God, everything is a great fairy tale, everything is a wonderful story. So why do people chooses to strain themselves with the heart breaking and heart aching reality? If there is just only full joy in the world, if people would just look at themselves the way that God looks at them and the way that God sees their lives, if they were just in Him? Then everyone will be happy. Everyone will just have their happily lives, and it would be ever after, or shall I say forever. God doesn’t want us to live not being happy, He wants us to enjoy and just let Him do the rest. But of course there is no such fairy tales without something getting in our way, but still good triumphs over evil in all the fairy tales. Main characters in a fairy tale has always a smile in them, you would just see in their faces that they still smile in spite of all the challenges in their lives that they also go through everyday, but in them there is just this intimate joy that no one can take it away from them. They trust, hope, dream, love, have fun, and a lot of other things that is just really happy. Worries never trouble them; they just let life go through it. So why can’t we be like that? Why can’t we be the main character in our own fairy tale? Why can’t we just enjoy life the way they do? There is such a thing as a happily ever after, if we would just allow it to be within us, and just allow joy to be in our hearts. Fairy tales do come true, I know that deep down in our hearts we still want to believe that there is such a thing besides reality. Don’t let reality get in your way, it’s only one ask away from God I believe. It’s not bad to believe, sometimes it’s scary but just let that joy be in your heart the world wouldn’t mind, and maybe you’ll find it rather enjoying. Even if some would tell you that you’re getting your head way beyond the clouds, if you believe in your heart, it can be yours. You just got to believe, and then who knows you may just have a big break. Just like I said on the first part that “Every happy endings, has a great, wonderful and exciting new beginning after It.” It could be ever after? It can even be forever, starting today. So why not, right?

Something to write about

2008-07-27T04:28:00.001-07:00

It’s late and I’m not yet tired. I wanted to write something, but don’t know what would be the real main topic. So let’s just talk about a lot of things. Let’s talk about everything.

I’ve been away not for so long, but it feels like it’s been very long. I’m not saying things on the literal way, I’ve been away. I, myself has been away not for so long, but I can really tell that I’ve been gone far away, and didn’t even noticed that it wasn’t doing any good for me, so this night I decided to go back. To admit for starters I got scared. Scared if I was still cut out with the thing that I’m usually doing, and then I got scared that it made me runaway. Second is, I got scared because I don’t know the right approach on how to go back. But God pulled me through it, He held me in His hand fast and just told me that He will guide all the way through it; not just in my way going back, but in my everyday life. Can you imagine that? God is always going to hold me? That is just so big time! Anyway all I can say is that I’m really glad that I already got back, God lighted the way, and He leaded me back to where I should be.

God gave me something, and I do know that it is from Him, that’s for sure. To be really honest, it became a joy in my heart and even in my life right now, so for now, God just really wants me to enjoy every bit of it. He gave me something to be inspired about, and I’m really glad about it. Every time I think of this joy that is in my heart, I can’t help but to put a big smile in my face, and if my heart was being seen, you will see it also smiling inside. I’m really thankful for this, and I would never cease to thank God for it. I’ve been praying for it and nothing is impossible with God that is for sure. I’m just so excited about it, and no one or nothing can take it away from me, only God. Maybe I am not being specific here on what is the thing that I’m really glad and joyful about, don’t worry, soon I will tell it, but for now it’s only between me and God, and maybe some of my friends, but you see I’m not much of a big talker when it comes to things like this.

Faith, it is something that I’m really having right now, because faith allows impossible things to happen. Faith is also the reason for having miracles to happen. I am having faith that is only quiet. Things can really be accomplished by having faith in our hearts, faith in God of course. Faith also makes you stronger in your everyday life. It is like an anchor helping you to be still especially when there are storms that comes in your way. Faith is believing in what you cannot see, hear or even touch. It only comes from knowing and hearing the word of God. So technically it comes only from God. Faith right now is what is keeping me going through my life, and it is keeping me strong even to believe in the things that I cannot see, and is far from reaching. Having faith in God is probably one of the great things you can experience in your Christian life. It allows you to believe, to hope, to have dreams that you would see far from happening to you. It is like a weapon, a shield that keeps you fighting the good fight for God. Faith really is a great thing for a person to really experience. I believe it is for the worth while. It also allows you to see things that are way far beyond the things that you can do on your own, but by having faith it is now possible to happen in your life. Most of the time this is what we do, or let me say, this is what we are having, Faith. Because in our everyday lives we hope for something, we believe for something, we dream of something, we think of things, and we can only think of such things if we have faith in our hearts, the thing to believe that these things would happen, that is called faith. So I guess me having high and quiet faith in God is really something to write about.

Lessons Taught

2008-07-27T04:27:00.000-07:00

-some lessons can’t be taught, you must live it to be understood. If life were a book you will find it hard to believe that you didn’t found all the answers in your riddles in an all-in-one easy to carry book. Some of it you knew because someone told you, some are because you saw it, some was because you felt it and still a lot more. But there is something, you lived in it before you have learned it, sounds complicated but it is what it really is. Sometimes you will find in life that everything that happened to you was all a test. Everything was a skipping step, actually it really is, everything that you have done or that is done to you lead to something that made you step a little bit. Everything leads to another, or let’s just say that one thing leads to another. In life sometimes we just want to request if God can just give us the book of our life, everything is already written in it. We just read it, re-act it, do the right things according to the book and everything will be right and we will all be happy. But that’s not how it works. God gave us the free will, we can make our own choices and God would just let us. I think that is the hard part for God, in His book that is entitled to us, there is something else that was supposed to be written in it but we switched turns and wrote something else. That is how you live it for you to understand it. If you’re getting what I mean, what I’m saying here is, if God can just tell us straight face to face on what are the things that we need to learn He would, it’s just that we must live it so we can understand it full well. I’m not saying that God doesn’t care, and He wouldn’t guide us, of course that is a big “NO”. It’s just that God doesn’t want it to be hard for us, but the real thing is, it is up to us on what choices we make. And sometimes it’s just so disappointing to make the wrong choices, but God is a God of second chances and there are instances that even the second chance that God will give us is even better than the first one we had, now all we had to do is to make of what’s best on the second one, do the things that we never had the chance to do on the first one, don’t loose a single second. Lessons in life are easy and at the same time hard to learn, but it is impossible to be taught. Having things that you have already done doesn’t make you an expert on how life works. Each person has something to ask about their lives, so how does one person makes an expert on what life is all about. People share different lives, each has its own uniquely description on how their life cycles. Like mine I have my own and I’m sure you have yours too. What does life really have for us? I’m sure that it’s a mystery for us to unravel. Once it was said that “yesterday was history, the future is a mystery and now is a “gift” that’s why it’s called present.” So maybe we can view our life with what we have now as a gift. We can be thankful with the little things that we have now because maybe it will bring us good and big in the future, or maybe bad and just no sense, but no one knows what is ahead. Life is indeed a mystery that no one can teach. It’s only up to us in which we can learn by it. Live your life like your not gonna live in it twice. Some things don’t happen the same way twice, and you may never live your life the second time around. While you’re living the life that you have, make sure you learn a lot from it, because you’re the only one who can learn the things that your life will teach you. No matter where were going it starts from where we are, if it’s more to life then we got to listen to our hearts.

when do i feel most precious in his sight?

2008-06-20T22:59:00.002-07:00

When he looks at me in the eyes and just make me feel that he’s so sincere to me.

When he tells me that he misses me to be his seatmate in the jeepney.

When he talks to me and do some lame pauses and just stare at me.

I especially love it when he stares at me and waits for me stare at him back.

When he pulls out some corny jokes for me to make me laugh.

When he asks me if I’m ok or if I’m feeling right.

When he carries my bag even if I still can carry it by myself.

When he takes me home and tells me to call him back if I’m already inside the house.

When he holds my hands so tight that my hands couldn’t breathe anymore.

When he carries me when I’m already too tired.

Who feels insecure when I’m with other guys.

Who makes sure that I didn’t miss my meal time.

Who knows what I really feel even if I’m not telling him.

Who will really cheer me up when the world around me is falling apart.

Who calls me at night just to check up on me.

When he makes the children sing for me a birthday song during his lesson time. ( that’s the most sweetest thing that a guy has ever done for me.)

Who makes me feel so safe no matter what.

Who takes me for a walk when I needed some time to think.

That even if a lot of people are telling negative things about me he will still defend me because he loves me.

Well I still do have a lot in my mind. You might think that this guy would just appear in a fairytale for girls in my age. But that’s the things that I’ve been asking to God, to make my perfect Mr. Right just like the man that I wrote here about. I know that God would grant the desires of my heart, well of course I still have to obey Him and wait for the time that He will make all of this things happen. You might think that I’m still too young to think about these things but you can’t blame me, I’m a teenager who has emotions, and of course I do have my STANDARDS for choosing my perfect Mr. Right. It’s probably ridiculous for me to write about this things but I just can’t help it. One of the person that I look up to, once said to me, that if you have standards for choosing a guy, you wouldn’t easily fall for anyone. Well I guess she’s right. Thanks to her and of course to my best friend (God).

what?

2008-06-20T22:59:00.001-07:00

Things in this world are quite a big reason to make us crazy. Here I am writing myself out. About the things that are occupying my mind right now. I feel nothing, but it turns out I’m going to feel that I’m scared and afraid. Then I would feel empty all of a sudden. I mean what kind of a sick person am I to feel this kind of things? There are times that I am just so confused about everything and there are times that I just feel that I’m so sure about a lot of things. Do the doctors have the right to call me crazy because of these things? I mean what are really the things that can qualify you as a crazy person? Some say that when you feel you’re crazy, maybe you’re just in love, but it’s not a good enough reason to be crazy just because you’re in love. My! I don’t even know where I’m going with this. I feel betrayed and don’t even know why. Maybe I am crazy, but the mere fact, just because I’m in love is not enough for me to be a good reason to be. I wanted something to mean a lot, I just don’t know what. How do you make something so important to you? How do you? Why do things in the past still haunt us up to this day, up to the present day? Why does someone feel so special? So many questions, but don’t know where to get the right answers from. So many aspects in life to learn about, but where do we learn it? and do we remember it? Everyday we pass to different kinds of people, different kinds of faces the moment we walk out our doorstep form our house. Lot’s of different people, a lot of different kinds of lives, problems, happiness and a lot of other things. Sometimes I just wonder what really is happening to each and everyone that I cross paths with. I mean I’m not God but it kept me wondering about life. I know that I’m not the only person that is experiencing the things that I’m experiencing now. I just want to know the real things. The word “reality” to me, sometimes it just scares me off, but I don’t even know why. Or sometimes aren’t we scared on what is out there for us? What the future is holding for us? What are the real things that keep us going on in life? Is it the things that are really dear to us? Well maybe because that’s where you get your inspiration from. I wanted to make the people realize that “no man really is an island”. We can’t live alone in this world and just wandering about the things in life! We need someone to be there for us, to understand us, and the one who will stand by our side no matter what. Maybe for now you have those kinds of person’s in your life, maybe it’s your friends, family or maybe the one that is very special to you, that special someone. But what’s my point here? All I’m saying is we can be crazy, we can keep wondering about life, we can ask a lot of questions about life, we can be scared and be excited about reality or we can keep asking God about the next things to come to us. But it all ends up having someone, I mean I’m not saying that when you find that someone that’s it! You’re life can already end, no! All I’m saying here is maybe we do have a lot of questions now, but I believe that every person is entitled to have someone for them for the rest of their lives. So once you find that someone, believe me you can be complete in life, you will feel complete finally! After a long journey in your life, you won’t have to cherish it alone anymore, but there will be someone that you can celebrate it with. But what if right now you still don’t have that someone? What if you still haven’t found “the one” Well right now I’m encouraging you to cling to God believe me He is more than that someone, He can sustain you as you we’re waiting for that someone. So WHAT if you still doesn’t have any?! Oh please!! Just enjoy you’re life right now, enjoy a life that is abundant and that is really blessed by God. Believe me it’s not just worth waiting, but the thing that you do while waiting is really worth it.

to be there for me

2008-06-20T22:58:00.004-07:00

I need someone, I want someone, I see someone. But someone like what? How do we really say that we need, want and see someone? How do we? Me I know my own things. I want someone to be there for me even if I’m not saying or acting that I need him. Someone who know things, not just the literal things, but someone that see things the way that I don’t see it. Who notices things, and knows what to do, not even the right things, but for him anything can happen. Someone who is really strong and that he will be the one to take charge of everything. Who really stands for what he believes in. that just doesn’t love but is really sincere and serious about the things that are need to be focused on. Someone who knows right from wrong. Someone who wouldn’t aim for the perfect relationship, but would rather aim for a great relationship in a million good ways. Someone who wouldn’t promise not to make me cry, but someone who would promise to always wipe my tears away. I need someone who would never leave me despite of the hardships that we will go through. Someone who chooses to be with me, even if he is far away, he chooses to be with me even he needs to be somewhere else but instead he choose to be with me he wanted to be with me. I need someone not just to give me a coat when I’m cold but he would also hug me and ask me to hug him in return because he feels cold too. Someone who wouldn’t just understand me and listen to me but would try to feel what I feel, and would tell me that I can do more than I can ever imagine, that it’s just a thing in the future that I would be thankful about. Someone who would appreciate me more that anyone has. Someone who would be so real to me, tell me things that I don’t want to hear just for me to be a better person. Someone who wouldn’t be afraid to have a fight with me just because he is not confident for what he stands for, but would really say his opinion about it. Someone who would always let me know what is in his mind and wouldn’t hesitate to come to me. Who is really up to the challenge to do things with me. Someone who thinks that he needs me more than I need him, and who’s going to love me for who I really am. Someone who believes in me more than the way that I believe in myself. Someone who would take care if me when I’m sick and wouldn’t leave my side until I’m better. Someone who just don’t say that he loves me and acts that way, but even the people around us would know and feel how much he loves me. Someone who would risk anything for me and would just give everything for me. A person who really knows the true meaning of commitment, love, encourage, affection, victory and eternity. Someone who is more than what he expects him to be. Someone who is going to love God more than he would love me. A person who would really know his priorities and responsibilities. Someone who can be in charge with great things. Someone who would cherish me for as long as we both live. Who would even love me more as I get older, and look forward to the many years that God has in store for both of us. A person that would always be there for me no matter what in sickness and health, in happiness and in sorrow, in wealth and in bankruptcy in up’s and downs, despite of all those things. He will always be the one to stay and the one “to be there for me”.

the smile in my heart

2008-06-20T22:58:00.003-07:00

It’s late and I need to go home, everything for the day went out just fine. I was hoping not to have any intrusions that would give me a reason to end my day feeling not so good. I just can’t believe that my day didn’t go out the way that I expected it, I expected it to be a fine enjoying day. I wanted to cry, I feel so stupid, I feel so embarrassed and I feel so, it’s like I’m drowning. Drowning from the things that I feel, it’s like I’m surrounded by a lot of people passing through me, and I just wanted to cry. I feel rejected. I just wanted to cry everything for once. I wanted to ask God, to let me cry, just to let me cry. I know that God is always by my side pushing me but I just wanted to cry. I feel so vulnerable that I can’t understand, or let’s just say I don’t know what to do. I feel so broken. This thing I just ask, I want to cry, I want to runaway. As I was walking to have my ride home, I just can tell that everything around me at that time is a blur. It’s like I’ve been ripped apart for real. I wanted to run as fast as I can, I wanted to scream and just cry myself out. I can’t believe that I was so stupid not to listen to the things that I don’t want to hear before, and now here I am having the worst days in my life. I was so stubborn not to see things the way that God wanted me to. I’m just so tired of having my heart being disappointed every time, I’m loosing hope. I don’t know where to go from here. My heart it feels like I’m getting a thousand heartaches at the same time. I lost the smile in my heart and I don’t know where to find it anymore. The rush of a thousand waves are just coming at me and I don’t know how to run from it, the only I can do for now is to let it come to me and crash me. But it doesn’t seem right, it’s unfair to just let it crash on me, I’m tired if getting hurts just because I let it. The tears in my eyes just can’t help to fall and fall. Do I need to let go of the things that are making me feel like this? I’ve been miserable. I wanted to have that smile again in my heart, but I don’t know how to put it back just as easy. Everything has its own time as they always say, but with this when will it be? When will be the time that I could accept everything, that I could accept things that is hard to accept, the things that I’m supposed to see it? My heart keeps beating and beating, don’t know for whom. We were supposed to have two heartbeats one is for us and the other one is for the one that we would love truly. My heart made another beat for someone else so many times. It’s getting a little tiring to always at first have a very heavenly smile in my heart then after it, would just loose everything that is in me, would loose that great smile that I thought would be forever, but I guess not. The smile in my heart suddenly faded away and gave a sad cry for someone that I can’t even remember how I fell in love with, that it just proves that everything happened all of a sudden, everything happened so fast. That I didn’t even realized that the smile that in my heart at that time is the smile that we are all supposed to be afraid of. The smile that would suddenly turn into something that we would hope and wish that would have never come to cross us.

pursuing someone

2008-06-20T22:58:00.001-07:00

Oh my, I just got more confused. It’s just when everything is going well, everything is doing good then suddenly it just got more complicated. What am I saying here? The truth is I don’t know either. These were the exact words that cam out from someone, “I want to pursue a relationship, there’s this girl…” oh my! Just when everything in my life is starting to be better for good and then all of a sudden this? I just don’t know what to really see. I wanted to know what it really is, I just don’t know how. I want to have a better, no, perfect life, but not so perfect reflecting in me, everything was just falling into place, and then this? Do you ever felt like you wanted to know everything and wish that you wouldn’t miss anything out? Ever felt like thousands of waves are crashing on you and you just can’t fight it off? I mean, I don’t even know anything about the thing that I wanted to now about, I can’t even fight it or fight for it or even fight it off, as I must say. But I just wanted to be complete, I wanted to feel complete. But I don’t want to think that I can be complete, besides having God in my life is, to think that I can be completed or I can feel complete by someone else, and take note “someone else”. I just wanted to hug this person and stay like that for even a few minutes. The passion of my heart just burning flames, I mean that’s how I feel, explaining metaphorically speaking just to give you an example. I know that at some point it’s not right for me to feel this way, but I just can’t help it. And it kept me safe. Thinking of it, me myself I wanted to pursue that someone, but now isn’t just the right time. I just wanted to be with this person again and just enjoy everything, the company. It kept me thinking, what if this could work what if God can or would allow it, would I still grab it or finally make a decision to walk away from it? Oh! How I just hate the way that I think of things especially when I see reality. Pursuing someone, what does that really mean? And I mean the real meaning when you apply it to someone’s life. Pursuing someone.. hmmm.. I guess it’s about going after a thing that is walking away from you, or maybe asking something about a serious matter in a serious way. Maybe it’s like you want something that you’re hesitant if you can have it or even if it wants you back. I mean in a romantic way, pursuing someone is you’re like sure about the things that you’re gonna do with this person, it’s like having something that you want more than anything.

out of nowhere

2008-06-20T22:57:00.001-07:00

What do you really feel when you’re like empty or blank paged? Well me I guess feeling the thing that you are all alone feeling so empty and doesn’t know what’s next or what will be the next thing that will pursue. I’m telling you I’m feeling that feeling right now. And it’s like I wanted to cry and cry but I just can’t. I wanted to crying myself out, but I just can’t and I don’t even know why. I wanted to soar high and fly away as far as I can or maybe even runaway just to feel free and feel enlightened. I just don’t know what is next for me in this life of mine. It’s like there’s a big question mark in me asking about everything that is happening in my life. I mean I just want something back and because of that everything just crushed down and fell apart on me. It’s like I have been ripped apart and I just can’t put back everything together again. I’m experiencing real chest pain.

How can you be someone for someone else? Or do you just be yourself. It just kills me every time I think of the real thing that is happening to me. it’s like I don’t know how to be happy anymore, I wanted to be happy but my heart just can’t, it’s been torn apart. I don’t know what to do anymore. I have never been like this before just because of things that I never expected that would happen. I fell like I’m just spinning and spinning and don’t know when to stop. Like running and running having fast breaths and I just don’t have something to go to, but I just kept running as fast as I could. I wanted to be invincible and fell free to see things on my own.

How am I going to figure this out? Is it just all based on reality, dreams or fantasies? Based on the real life? Do have a lot of things that I’m asking in which me myself cannot answer on my own. Everything is just so confusing, complicated, frustrating, disappointing and many other things that would make you wish things that you would never hope for.. I’m searching for security and assurance about myself, the thing is I expected it from someone else. Everything is just so uncertain. Once someone said in a movie “in life be ready to be surprised”, but what if we don’t want to? What if we’re not ready for some other kinds of surprise? What if there’s just something that you can do about everything? What if there is just.. nothing you can do. You just gotta let fate surround you and stick your heart and mind to reality.. everything is just so complicated..

my thoughts for you

2008-06-20T22:56:00.002-07:00

April 25, 2008

I just couldn’t take it anymore, I just couldn’t bear the fact that everything between me and him is just a complicated past. I wanted to cry out everything, I wanted to just tear my heart out so the pain would go away. I never discerned that this is going to be harder than I thought. I wanted someone to be with me at these times, to comfort me and make me feel numb about the things that are happening. I just couldn’t stand the fact that we can’t be together anymore, we can’t hold each other’s hand, we can’t hug each other when every time we want to, we can’t kiss each other good mornings and good nights, we can’t tell each other anymore sweet good mornings and romantic goodnights, we can’t tell each other anymore the three words that I’ve been missing to hear; “I love you”, we can’t stare at each other the way we used to be, we can’t sleep in each others arms, we can’t sleep in each others lap when every time we want to, we can’t talk to each other real close can even tell as a sweet whisper, I can’t call you anymore and you can’t call me the way you used to be we cant call each other, we can’t sleep together anymore, we can’t go to my dentist together from now on, we can’t look at each other the way we used to, we can’t pout our lips at each other whenever we wanted to be more sweet and affectionate with each other. All of those things are going to be the things that I can call from now on “our used to be’s”, my heart really aches when every time is see you with someone else, having your laugh’s with them and just trying to have fun with them. Sometimes I see you still watching me and I know sometimes you still want to be with me, I feel the same way too, it’s just that something is trying to pull us away from each other, it’s like a wall is being build in front of us, so that we couldn’t really be together.

A lot of people doesn’t favor us in being together, it’s really just brings pain to my heart, sometimes it’s giving me a big reason to give up. But I won’t give you up, that’s the only thing in which I can hold on to, and that is I will never give you up. You’re the one who made me really true to myself, when I’m with you I can define the real me, I can just express myself the way I really am, when I’m with you I can know my true self. You’ve been a great big puzzle in my life that is really one of the reasons why I’m ready to be complete, why soon enough I’m going to become a great work of art that people would start to really look at and to just start to really appreciate. When we’re together it’s like the shine or the glow that we have within us, it’s like my light reflects on you, and yours to mine. When we’re together we can be the really best that we can be, we bring out the best in us. There is a lot to say with both of us; a lot can be said about the two of us. With you I can dream of us becoming one. I never thought that after everything that happened to me in the past, I never thought that I’m going to end up falling deeper for you, for someone like you. I never thought that I’m going to fall deeper and deeper and deeper, to where I’ve never been before. I admit that during the times that we’re still together I got scared, scared that I’m going to fall in love with you. But I guess fate and God allowed me to, allowed me to really fall for you. If you’re going to look deeper in my heart, you’re really be amazed on how I really feel and how much I’m willing to do for you. I’ve never felt this way before to be really honest. And these time when every time i see you, sometimes I just wanted to hug you and tell you more than a million times that I love you. But I’m not pretty sure that you want to do the same thing too. But one thing’s for sure is that right now I’m going to love you without expecting something in return. This time I’m uttering a promise, A promise that I’m going to love you with all I am and with all my heart, and this time I will keep a promise, I do keep this from now on. . .

letting go

2008-06-20T22:56:00.001-07:00

How do you really let go of someone? I mean how do you really do it?

What do you think of while you’re letting go? What do you become after letting go?

So many questions but the truth I do know how to let go of something

It’s just that I don’t know how to let go of something like this that I’m trying to

Just let go? That is it? Even though I believe that in life we humans intend to make our own choices, and that choices are the cause of everything that we have right now. Everything is a choice, even at this thing at letting go of someone. There are some times that we are afraid to make our own choices, we are afraid that we might fail, that we might loose in the fight. But even with the choice of letting go of someone, there are a lot of questions that we would ask first before we weigh what would be the choice that we would choose. Complicated you think? Yes it is really, I won’t doubt it. It is complicated enough to make us a little crazy. Well let’s start how do you really let go of someone? Well let me see, how do you really do it? Well of course at first you would just make a decision a real decision in your heart to really pursue the thing that you want to do. At first you would really try to avoid from this thing or let say this person, because it would really help if we are not around that thing or person anymore. Then after that you would set boundaries to the things that will soon come to you, so that the thing that happened to you before wouldn’t happen again. Letting go is probably one of the hardest thing that you will do in your life, because when you’re letting go it simply means that this thing that you want to is somewhat became dear or special to you. What do you think of while you’re doing it? Well I do some pro’s and con’s when I think of things even though I already made a decision on what to do but still I want to see the good and bad things, just in case. Then maybe you can think of some things that will make you happy and joyful at the mean time while you are settling with things, I mean it’s a suggestion and believe me it helps I a way to avoid thinking of it too much. Actually you can think of so many things while you’re in the process, it depends on who you are and of course you know yourself well than I am so it is still up to you on what you will think. What do you become? Well that’s a tough one. What can I say at first you will miss it but then you will find it soothing to you because finally you are free! You become someone that has been set free from the things that are troubling you, Am I right? On the other hand you become someone who already knows right from wrong with the thing that you just let go. The next time that it comes to you, you will become more careful in going to that place or situation again where you have before. Probably you might be thinking that what if I can’t? Well it is always a matter of choice, but always remember that the choices that you make in your life is the cause of what you will become in the next days to come, the choice that you will make today can really affect you in the future. But I believe that if everything has its own purpose, even the choices that we make in our life has its own purpose. Me? I never regret the choices that I have made in my life, because if I haven’t those choices I wouldn’t be where I am right now. There are times of course that I thought of going back on the past and make the right ones, but this is life that is the beauty of it. But the truth is I’m thankful for the things that happened to me, because it made me stronger, more mature and more excited in my life. So in letting go for someone, at first it will hurt, it will be difficult, it will be complicated and confusing. But still in the end you will be thankful that you made your choice and brought you where you are right now. In everything there is always something to be thankful about, even in the things that you will learn and accept in “letting go.”

breaking the patterns

2008-06-20T22:52:00.000-07:00

What are really the patterns? Is it the patterns of this world? Is it our own patterns? Or is it the patterns of other people? What is really the thing or the aspect of the questions I have asked, what are the things that should be broken? Am I even asking the right questions here, yes I think I am. In this generation of mine, I find it really amazing to see my generation to be in a different way, not in a bad manner I mean some are but I mostly see it in a good side. The generation that I belong to is totally different from the other generations, and even if we are different I also believe that God works with my generation in a totally different way, different but really amazing. I mean I know what we kids are capable to do these days even at our young age, but I strongly agree that God works more and we really experience Him in a really powerful way. So what am I saying here? My point is, is that to break the patterns of the past and engage with the present and prepare for the future, well if you know what I mean. The past generation, their patterns are a lot different, the patterns of the world that they came to knew with their generation is totally different from what we have now. The past has their own perspective with them, has their own sense of closure, has their own mind sets on things, has their own conviction, has their own beliefs, and just many other things. But with us now, we do have our own on all of those things I’ve mentioned even for the things that I left out. Actually the truth is each person has their own perspectives, mind set, conviction, own sets of devotion, own sense of closure, own beliefs. There are some that they believe that they are like other people, that they have the same things, well I am sorry for that, but it’s not. The beauty of life is that we are all made unique; we are all different no one was made like someone else. I mean even the twins has many differences right? All I’m trying to say is, everything is different now, and a lot of other things are different from what is before. Some people think that the patterns before are still the same patterns now. Of course not! There a lot of things that some people would question; why are things like that now a days? Well that is because everything now are different, different from what is before. I still believe in God’s grace and sovereignty when it comes to the young people today, but if people would just always think on their own way, I mean I can say that it’s too much. I can guarantee and assure every one that God is working with us individually and everything is always between me and God, or between you and God. You don’t have to think much because we all have God in us, and He is totally working with each and every one of us, I mean this is my own sense of closure. The why did I entitled this entry as “breaking the patterns”? Well because I want everyone to understand that there are things that you think are the patterns of this world, there are some things it would seem that in the eyes of others is wrong, but you know in yourself that there is no sin behind it and that between you and God, He is saying that nothing is wrong with that. There is nothing wrong with something unless it would be the cause of your distraction with your relationship with God. Sometimes there are things that men would think that it is wrong, but that’s when the patterns peek’s in. What I’m really saying here is that breaking the patterns not of God’s but the patterns of men that are already set on their minds. Breaking the things that they assumed up to this day are applicable to young people like me. I’m not trying to up rise a rebellion here, I am just saying what most young people like me thinks of the thing that I’m trying to deliver here. We have our own relationship with God, and He works with us individually. So we just want to break that kind of pattern.

together again with you

2008-04-03T06:50:00.001-07:00

Together again with you..

It’s late and I’m still awake, making an intimate time with the person that I’ve missed the most. I don’t know how to describe the feeling that I’m feeling right now, it’s kind of unexplainable.. haha.. Well what can I say! I’m totally in love with this Guy! This entry that you’re reading right now is dedicated to my “Only Love”, to my super intimate friend. Well right now He’s my boyfriend and I’m really enjoying my relationship with Him. I guess a lot of you are asking who is this “Guy”? Well He’s the most handsome, the kindest, sweet, caring, gentle, jolly, lovable, fearsome, a prince and a king (haha), He is my world, the one that I’m so totally in love with. Well I guess my description doesn’t even cover up the ¼ of Him. Well right now He’s the perfect one for me; right now I can say that He’s the one! So I would like to dedicate these verses to Him. ;p

My 15 verses for my Prince

Here I am saying that I love you,

And You saying in return that you love me too.

It’s been a long time since we’ve been together like this

I’m enjoying every moment of it and I hope You do too.

We’re here having our own time together,

You’re making some big laugh

And me enjoying listening to your laughs

You said to me once and also promised me,

That you would never leave me, never forget about me,

And told me that You would love me till you’re last breath

That You would give me your everlasting love,

You waited for me to say something back.

I smiled and said that I Do too, I would.

I even said to you that I’m going to surrender everything to you.

Even at my worst times you we’re always there for me,

You never said a single word about you giving up on me.

You even promised me that you would take good care of me,

That you would always stay beside me,

And comfort me whenever I needed someone to lean on.

You said that your hand is always here for me,

I just call your name and your hand will reach out for me.

You’re the kind, who never says anything that would make me so down,

But would only say to me the words that could be of help for me

You say the words that no ordinary man can tell

You’re the kind, which every girl would die for

I don’t know but I’m so blessed to have someone like you

Like you in my life, giving me the love that I’ve always asked for

And now I can say that finally I’ve found someone perfect for me.

If only you would know that when every time that you’re near to me,

Your presence just soothes me and makes me feel lightened.

Your face is more than carved by angels

You are the most handsome guy I’ve ever known.

I can’t say that I’m lucky to have you

The feeling that you made me feel is super extraordinary

I guess I can never tell and explain what that is.

Being in a relationship with you,

Is like being your favorite girl in the entire universe.

You made me feel like I’m the most beautiful woman that you’ve ever seen.

In which is you always tell me that..

But you’re the kind, who loves me for who I am

Who never exclaimed about my flaws or the wrong things that is in me

You so much loved me for who I really was, and what I really am.

You always surprise me with things

You never run out of new things to do to surprise me

It’s like every time You do new things it’s just so en-Grande.

When you give me stuff it’s the kind of stuff that I would cherish for all time

You never ceased to give me something new

Even though sometimes it’s so shocking,

That I’m having a reaction of after shock!

When it comes on you preparing a date for the two of us

You make sure that I’m gonna love every thing that we’re gonna do

That I’m gonna enjoy every moment of it

You don’t like our date to be only an ordinary date

But every time we went out it’s always unforgettable.

But of course I also set up something for the two of us every time we went out

Of course it’s hard to give you a surprise because you already know everything.

Our fights are really off the relationship

Because it’s always me who’s being stubborn at things

I’m always the one who’s wrong and I really admit that

Sometimes I just never listened to you

I know that you only wanted what’s best for me,

Because that’s what you always tell me.

And I’m sorry if sometimes I’m being hard headed.

When every time I wake up,

You always make sure that you’re the one who I first see

And the one who’s on my mind the first thing when I wake up

And of course that’s what really happens

It really makes me feel very happy that I get so say

“Good Morning to you!” and smile at you first thing in the morning.

Even though I really wake up late now these days

Well what can I say! Every one is wondering why I’m so satisfied with you,

Feeling so contended and very glad

Well all I’m gonna say to them is what could I ask for?

I’ve got the love of a great man who would never make me cry

But would only make me a better person and of course

So fulfilled in my life, I know that only You can do that in me

I’m kind of the most special girl in the entire universe as you once said.

You believed in me even though I’m just hiding in my shell

You made me believe that I can do more than what I can ever imagine

That is if I’m gonna stay with you.

You believed in me the way that an ordinary person can’t

I don’t know what you saw in me

But the first time you approached me

You just smiled and told me that you chose me out of everyone

The words that I never imagined that someone could tell me

I never thought that I was gonna be you

When you told me that you chose me

I know that this time, everything on me would be proven that it’s real

You just told me those words straight not even a hint of irony

Just what is in your heart, and that’s what really strucked me

When we first met, and it was heavenly..

I just don’t know what to do when you first came into my life

I don’t know if I’m not gonna be myself and just fake everything

But right then You just told me that, before you have chosen me

You already accepted who I was and not for whom I’m not

But I was so afraid that you we’re gonna be disappointed at me

Once you came to know who I really was, but then you just made it clear

That nothing can separate me from you now, and that you will never let me go.

I guess I can never describe the real love that you have for me

And I in return can’t also describe the true feelings that I do have for you

This is one of my ways in saying the thing that we have between us

You can never be like anyone else, because you’re not like anyone else

You’re that only one who can be like this to me.

I am more than thankful for your love, for the everlasting love you have for me

Then for these verses my last words would be

“I love you so much my Prince!”

None other else: Prince-Jesus

By your lovely princess:

Waiting point

2008-04-03T06:49:00.002-07:00

Waiting point

Here I am at one season in my life where I’m just waiting for the promises of God that he has in my life, it’s not that I’m not doing anything and just waiting for those things to happen in a kind of “BUM mode”. But while I’m waiting for those things is I’m just letting God do everything, I’m just going to let Him work in my life. Even though a lot of persecutions is being thrown up on me and a lot of challenges are being brought up on my life, I’m still grateful for those because I know that those experiences that I’m gonna have would make me a lot stronger in life. I mean God doesn’t give us challenges in life if He knows that we ourselves can’t handle it. God is always here to help us out, and let us get through in life. There are really a lot of times that it’s hard, rough and tough, but when every time that I remember the things that I’ve been through, to tell you honestly I just laugh it off.

So now here I am waiting, even though sometimes in waiting you can still be hurt, because you see things that is way beyond or shall we say opposite to the things that God has promised in your life, but right now I’m really telling you that sometimes part of it, is that God is really gonna test you on things and wanted to see that even if you’re seeing things, that you’re still gonna hold on to His word, believe in Him and keep up the faith. To tell you honestly there are a lot of surprises that God has for us, not just plans for us, but surprises that you would never-ever expect. Believe me, sometimes it’s gonna be funny and impossible plus unbelievable, but as long as it is from God.. it’s safe.

So how do I really say the words waiting point here… just as I said on the first part it’s a season in your life, and believe me there are a lot of kinds, when you say season. It’s not just about having a down season, but also having a great season in life. All of us are in a season in our lives in where a lot of things is happening, it maybe good, bad or just an empty season, but all of it has a great purpose behind it.

You

2008-04-03T06:49:00.001-07:00

You

You’re the one who makes me smile,

Who also makes me cry,

Who makes me think crazy things.

The one who made me feel an extraordinary feeling,

That I’ve never felt before.

When you smile at me it’s just like heaven to see

The one who made me feel butterflies while swimming at the sea.

To hold you close is one of my wish, to be with you is one of my dreams.

For me to be in your arms would be the most fulfilling things,

To have my true loves kiss would be my greatest fantasies.

I’m a girl, who really loves happy endings,

Having at last my loving prince,

To be beside me forever and ever

Having my dream come true,

Would be something, which I would do cherish for all time

You can never explain in a thousand words how much I feel for you,

But only would be in a million poems that I can write so much about you.

I know it’s wrong for me to say this,

But really now I can say that I’m in love with you, and I love you.

Because I’m just a girl, waiting for a great boy to really and truly love her

When he cried

2008-04-03T06:48:00.002-07:00

When he cried

There was I standing, with my eyes closed

There was I waiting for everything for that day to be finished

Then I opened my eyes, and saw him crying.

Don’t know the real reason why, but do have a lot of thoughts on my mind

I admit that when I saw him cried, me myself I wanted cry

Wanted to hold him close, wanted to say those words

To say that I’m going to be here, so don’t have fear

The teardrops that fall on your face,

Is a true sign of a real man’s grace.

So where do I need to take place?

When he cried there was a heartbeat that I wanted to hide

But when he looked at me, and I looked back at him

There was a deep connection that wanted to be seen.

Out of nowhere he smiled at me and made me realize

That there was a deeper reason on why he cried and then smiled

After everything was done, I went down from where I was

Then I saw him having his own little time, still having thought’s on his mind

I wanted to go to him to make him feel that I can be of help

But I just can’t cause something’s pulling me back

Because when he cried, there I knew that he’s the kind of guy who has nothing to hide.

Appreciation

2008-04-03T06:48:00.001-07:00

Appreciation

Dedicated to: Mark “Joseph” Lingad

Well It’s 3am in the morning march 19, 2008. I talked with my friend a while ago from 10pm-1am. We just talked about a lot of things with what God has been impressing for both of us; for our family, plans near the future, struggles, challenges in life, issues about the heart, funny moments, people that did something with both of us, and a lot of other things. I mean I can probably say that he’s more than my human diary. He knows everything about me, well not everything but mostly. It’s like I really owe him a lot for making me smile and laugh all the time, and for really helping me out in problems. Even though we opened up with each other a lot we never took advantage of each other, and that’s the thing that I really do like about my relationship with him. Everything between me and him is pure and really honest. It’s like we can really trust each other “big time” with the things that we share with each other. I really do cherish every conversation that I had with this guy, he was way more than a guy who just treats and looks at a girl the way ordinary guys do. I can really say that he’s a man of integrity and do have conviction in him, and I totally agree with that. He was like always there for me whenever I needed him, and I really do have fun whenever where together or whenever we talk. We can express our true selves with each other without any hindrances, when I’m with him I’m just the real me, I mean I can express myself when he’s around. One thing that we talked about is that we really do appreciate each other, and me myself don’t appreciate much of people. I just appreciate him that even though we do have a close relationship he never took advantage of those times. When he has his own little problem of course I’m also there for him, but only with the things that I can really be of much help, but I totally said to him that when it comes to man to man things, please leave me out of it. It’s just that when every time that I have something in me, he can really tell I mean he’s like my living conscience, not in a bad way but in a good way.. just to make it clear for everyone who’s been reading this. I entitled this entry as appreciation because I really do appreciate the person that I’m actually describing here. Well even though a lot of things are also bothering him lately he sure does make something out of it. With the way that I see him he’s actually a guy who’s sometimes paranoid to what the people thinks like me, but I’m much too paranoid than him. But he’s the kind of guy who really pushes hard, and even though it’s tough he surely goes through it. That’s one thing that do I admire with his character, plus he’s a man of passion with the things that he do, he’s only focused on one thing, and all I know is he’s gonna be a great worship leader someday.. So maybe I’m already giving hints to which I’m referring with this entry. But yeah I do actually agree with that, he’s a man of influence and integrity… Well with all the things that I’ve said all I really can say is that I do have a lot of appreciation with this guy, and I’m really thankful for him, for helping me out in my hard, tough and rough times in life, I guess this is one of my ways to send him my gratitude for everything that he has done for me, and believe me he has done a lot. Thanks bro! Love yah!

i feel empty..

2008-02-26T03:34:00.000-08:00

oooh... here we go again, doing another blog and you maybe; reading anther blog. i don't really know much on how i just boast out this words from my mind and heart, but right now i just feel so empty. the real reason? that, I'm still trying to work out. sometimes when i feel nothing, i know that something is wrong with me, i just don't know and right now i still doesn't know why. sometimes i just want to scream as loud as i can just to make me feel light on myself. well when i feel empty my heart feels like it's carrying a big load!

i know that the only thing that can make me feel so overflowing is God, how? well of course you really got to spend time with Him a lot and you should really obey every word that He's gonna say to you. in my case, i mean i do spend time with Him everyday. the problem with me is just I'm still not that sensitive enough with His voice, while I'm very familiar with my parents and friends voice, oooh i kinda feel guilty when i come to think of that. well actually that's one of the real thing God is the only one who can make you feel so overflowing, right now i just don't understand why this is happening to me.

it's like i want to bloat and be unconscious at the same time, it's like i want to tell myself to just don't feel anything anymore, so that i wouldn't be aware with the thing that is happening to me right now. with my last few blogs i shared there my outpourings and it's like in those things that i've written, i have all the answers, i mean i've got all the answers in those situations that i've shared. but this time i just can't find a good reason for this thing, and i don't even know what it's called.

sometimes i just don't understand myself anymore, sometimes i don't even know what i've become or what i will become. ooooh!! the truth is I'm kind of confused at the same time i feel like i do know the answers deep down inside, i just couldn't find the right moment to spill it out.

it's like my whole world is turning and turning but you would feel like the turning is not right, that it doesn't feel right all the time. that sometimes i just wanted to lie on the floor and close my eyes and just cry and cry until i popped my eyes out.

oooh.. I'm soooo confused..

i've learned something really important..

2008-02-20T22:52:00.000-08:00

Well I'm back here at manila. it's been a really fast visit and vacation at my Grandparent's house back at Olongapo City. As i have said in my last few blogs that the reason why i went for a very all of a sudden visit, is because i want to run away from something etc. i have lot's of reasons actually; well i have already told it before and i just don't want to repeat it again. pretty as it sounds i'm kind of scared with what the people would ask me, about the reason of my runaway scheme. i'm scared on what they would think or what they would comment once they've come to know the real reason, or what would be their reaction on the said matter.

Before i left the house at my grandparent's, my uncle asked me "why did you visit here all of a sudden? are you hiding from someone back there at Manila?", then i quickly reacted and laughed hysterically and answered him, "why would i hide from someone?, i didn't do anything wrong.." after that my uncle just smiled and asked me "is it a WHO?" then i just really laughed out loud! as loud as i can and take note that was like 7:30 in the morning, then i just quickly said in a whisper mode.. "kind of.." well i didn't actually knew if he heard it, but at least he already dropped the issue once i became silent.

After that i just came to realize.. Wait! I'm gonna be back! then i asked myself, am i already alright about all things? am i already-ready to be back at my old life. then i took a moment at my room and just started to weigh things a little bit. i mean i told you sometimes i really get so attached on what's happening with me. then all of a sudden it just came to me that perhaps i can fight it this time, and this time i don't need to run away for long. then it was like my whole life flashed back within my eyes, and i saw all the fun moments that I've had, it's like i still have a lot of things that i can be happy and delighted about. *hey i'm not trying to get a scheme of suicide here ok?*-- i mean if i would just think about it, there's still a lot ahead of us, and we wouldn't really skip the times in where, we're really gonna be soooo down with ourselves and it's just part of life. life would be boring without those things that's gonna give you a reason to really push harder in life! and gonna give a reason to give up, but that's the time in where you're really gonna take the challenge. God wouldn't want something bad for us! i mean He loves us more than anything else!

You know what sometimes in life, God would really allow challenges to be brought up on you, and He only allows it because He knows that in the end you're gonna learn something really good, different, new and all sorts of stuff, He knows that in the end you're gonna get something good. plus take note God wouldn't allow it, if He knows that we can't handle it with ourselves. but sometimes you really have to take heart, you still need God of course, you can't just do it on your own, I'm telling you you can't do it on your own but only with God. you got to be dependent on Him, but of course you've got to move your own feet. i mean if you just let God really hold you and take care of you, believe me you wouldn't be lost even if you're in the middle of nowhere. i mean i really hope that you're getting the main point here. it shouldn't be always about you but, it has to be always about God.

That's one of the biggest things that I've learned during my runaway scheme. even though a lot of people have already told me about this stuff, I've only really applied it this time. and it really feels good. felling so safe and really secured with God is probably one of the best things that i have learned in this pretty life of mine, i mean, i already learned a lot, but that's gonna be another story..

i'm missing home

2008-02-19T21:49:00.000-08:00

I miss home, but I’m not pretty sure..

I miss home, but I’m not pretty sure about the things that I’m missing the most or maybe the things that I’m missing the least. All I know is, I miss my mom and my dad, the laughter that we always make every time we stay at the house. Well that’s one reason, but I’m not really pretty sure what I’m really missing after that. But sometimes I just wanted to think, that when I go back to manila I wouldn’t see the person that I’m trying to get over with there. The reason why I went here at my grandparents to renew my mind and heart, to refresh myself, to find and get back myself again. Well I was just talking to my mom a while ago, I keep on trying not to ask about that person but it was just sudden that I asked about that person, and my mom just told about everything that happened there. Oh! Sometimes I just wanted to think that I really do hate myself. Don’t you ever thought about forgetting something? Instead of forgetting it you’re just only thinking about it more!

Sometimes I really just want to think that life isn’t really what you think it is, I hope you’re getting my point. Well it’s life! Sometimes you don’t want the reality, but sometimes you can still change reality even for a tiny bit! I don’t know sometimes I just wanted to know what ahead and what’s going to happen nest, but just as they say your life’s going to get boring once you know what’s next it’s like having no hope anymore, but some people say that’s when you get the chance to change the thing that’s gonna happen to you. Oh I don’t know but for this piece that I’m writing, I really wanted to know what’s gonna happen next once I return home.

Right now my mind is empty, and nothing else to say, but I know deep down inside of me there’s a lot more to say. I just don’t know what and how to start. Well I really do know is I miss home, it’s kind of getting boring here. I’ve just practiced myself that every time I have something in my heart, I usually run away from it. Well that’s one that you can find in me, when I just can’t take it anymore, or I’m kind of getting scared on what’s happening in my life I always run away from it. Even the things that is really good, I usually realize it when it’s gone. Then in the end I’m just gonna blame myself for letting something really good in my life to just let it disappear for me running away from it.

Just when it’s getting good I slowly start to freeze, just when it’s getting real I put my heart to sleep. It’s just this fear always comes over me, I just want someone to understand that I don’t mean to push him away from me, I mean why am I so afraid be crashed down, broken and lose my heart again. I don’t know I can’t clearly see what’s really up to me. It’s the way, the reason that I always doubt myself. I mean I just want everyone to understand that it’s no other thing but it’s what I do, just when I’m about to run, I’ve realized what I’ve become. Actually I’m really not sure if I really do miss home after all…

Just Like BEfore..

2008-02-19T21:48:00.001-08:00

In a secret place there I stay, and I call it my hiding place

There you me find all alone, waiting for someone to say hello

There I made a promise, that whoever finds me in that place

Would be the person I can share all my secrets.

We became closer than close and wouldn’t want to loose any of those

Memories wed shared, and we call each other best friend.

We were enjoying each other that we wouldn’t even bother

Then someone came along, that make our friendship shorter

I was already bothered on what can happen, that maybe our friendship would

Turn into a den.

Now were losing each other, hate each other and wouldn’t want to see

Or take a glimpse with each other

All this time we didn’t realize that we can turn our friendship into cries.

But both of us are saying to ourselves that “friendship can make a way”

I turned my hiding place into a waiting room, and you made your own

So now were both inside a room both waiting again for someone but this time

To knock on the door.

But things didn’t turn the way we want it, no one knocked on the door

But someone made a bridge and a corridor.

So that we can open our doors and give a second chance on our friendship

Even though you turned that someone into your new best friend

I’m never gonna be offended

I’ll just ask one thing to you, to write my name in the list

Of your friends

I don’t care what rank I am or if I’m in the lowest

All I care is that our relationship would turn a little of just like before

That we would open our doors and again enjoy each other.

And who knows if fate allows it we can be and always will be,

“Just like before”

Why You?

2008-02-19T21:47:00.001-08:00

When you want to ignore me just tell me,

And I’ll say nothing

Just tell me “why?”

Give me a good enough reason on

Why you’re doing this

The simple thing is just

I feel so down every time

you just make me so stupid

so stupid in saying that I’m not offended

every time you tease me

I know it’s one of your way to ignore me

And when you just do it

I just wanna break down

There is one saying that you’ll just have to let go

Let go all of your sweet memories, stolen memories

The thing is… it’s about setting you free and letting you go

When I’m just thinking of letting go

I just can’t help but shed into tears

When every time I see you

I just want to ask you “why?”

I know that I’m not that you’re special someone to be like this

But you’ve been a big part of this simple life of mine

But when you came along it’s not that simple anymore

It turned into a world full of butterflies and rainbows

If I can ask God just one question,

Why did I became like this just because of you?

I mean who are you to change me into something like this?

You’re the one who make me feel a lot sure about myself

You’re the one who taught me to have self esteem,

To be always on the go and not to be shy on myself,

To have a lot of confidence on myself……

All I just want to say is in the entire world….. “Why you?”

In Love...

2008-02-19T21:45:00.000-08:00

Sa pag-ibig…. Ano nga ba ang mahirap gawin?

Siguro ang magpakasaya at ngumiti

Lalo na pag alam mong mawawala na siya

Pinipilit mong magpakasaya pero

Ang hirap talaga eh….

Mas lalong mahirap kung aalis na siya

Na di mo manlang nasasabi ang feelings

Mo para sa kanya….

Lalo na pag nasanay kang laging nandyan siya

Grabe… ang hirap talaga

Tinignan mo ang lugar na laging nandun siya

Tapos biglang na-realize mo,

“ay! Wala na nga pala siya…..”

Wala ka nang magawa kung hindi pangarapin

Na nandyan siya nakatingin sayo

Sabay ngiti niya abot hanggang tenga

Grabe! Gusto ko na ring mawala!

Naramdaman mo na ba yun?

Yung gusto mo nandun ka nung nasaan man siya?

Eh paano kung nasa ibang mundo na siya?

Ang labo noh?

Minsan ba sa posisyon mo sa pagmamahal

Nasabi mo na ba ang mga salitang

“gagawin ko ang lahat para sa kanya”

Eh paano kung sabihin niyang tumalon ka from

6^th flr. Gagawin mo parin ba?

Kaya mo pa ba yung ganon……

Siguro sa pag-ibig yun nga ang mahirap gawin…..

Aww.. i want a boy to say this to me

2008-02-19T21:44:00.000-08:00

Girl: Do you like me?

Boy: Not really

Girl: Do you want me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you cry if I left?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you live for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you do anything for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Choose--me or ur life

Boy: my life

The girl runs away in shock and pain
and
the boy
runs after her and says...

The reason you never cross my mind is
because
you're always on my mind.

The reason why I don't like you is
because I love
you.

The reason I don't want you is because
I
need you.

The reason I wouldn't cry if you left
is
because I
would die if you leave.

The reason I wouldn't live for you is
because I
would die for you.

The reason why I'm not willing to do
anything for
you is because I would do everything
for
you.

The reason I chose my life is because
you ARE
my life.

Stupidly and blindly in love

2008-02-19T21:42:00.002-08:00

Love makes us stupid in a lot of ways and in a lot of things,
that sometimes we don't even realize that were doing too much.
That sometimes we don't even care if were already being hurt or were already hurting someone else
That's what you call Stupid

Love makes us blind in a lot of ways and in a lot of things
that sometimes we don't see that were being too bad, too careless,
so unfair and selfish
that sometimes we don't see that were already hurting someone else
that sometimes you don't see that the one who truly loves you is the one who's been hurt by your STUPIDNESS and BLINDLY-NESS
That all this time she's been hiding all her tears,
all you thought of her is just a shoulder to lean on and that you open up to about your " Life of LOVE" but you don't even realize that she can love you more than you're special someone right now.....

+Ever think she's hurt? the truth is, it's me who's been hurt by you, it's me the SHE in the story....

blank yellow sheet of paper

2008-02-19T21:42:00.001-08:00

" I can love you completely with all my heart, but still you set me apart and totally broke my heart"

"Why does my life in love always end up like this maybe... to have a lot of realizations in life. Still I'm kind of thankful coz I still learned a lot lessons and acomplished something... You made me a lot stronger.."

thought's and truth's

2008-02-19T21:41:00.001-08:00

I thought you're the one who's never gonna make me cry

Who's never gonna make my heart and mind in anguish

How long must I wrestle my thought's just for you?

How long must I have sorrow in my heart?

I thought you're the one who's gonna give light to my eyes

I thought that I can trust you to have your unfailing love?

Will you just forget me forever?

Will just forget the feelings that you expressed in me?

Will you just forget your love that you expressed to me?

I thought you're the one who's gonna listen to my cries

I thought by you my eyes saw what is right, my eyes set on what is right

But everything are just thought's and some are truth's

In the end it's still gonna be like this

Words that are first written on a greeny sheet of paper,

poured out from a broken heart by

Simple Thought's and Truth's

quotes... quotes... quotes

2008-02-19T21:40:00.001-08:00

- Will ever say hello to the one who said "We have to let go"?

- How would you say "I love you" if you don't have someone to tell to?

- What if one day... He would come back to you and would say... " I still love you", would you answer back and say..." I still love you too.."?

- When you fall in true love, are you sure that it is true love? That would make you weak but would make you stronger? It's kind of complicated right? But is it enough to just break it? or lose it?

- What's more easier? To make someone to be in love with you or to be in love with someone? I think it's both hard, in love there's no such thing as easier or easy... Coz in love we always cry and shed into tears.... How bout you? for you what's easier, when it comes to love..

- Smile, speaks more than words... But why? coz smile can express feelings for someone and also can express love...

- what do you think of "simplest love"? for me it's just you always wanted to be with him and you're the only one whom he loves...
...It's Simplest love with the Greatest Love...

One day a girl was reminiscing....
+Why do you have to say goodbye to the only one who came by in your life for a very long time?+ And she asked
G: why does it have to come to an end?
G: When we almost have everything?
the boy answered
B:Are you sure we have everything?
the girl replied
G: yes we have everything
then lastly the guy replied
B: you think so?
we never or maybe not we, but I never felt love in our midst...
Then the girl realized
...how come he never felt it, when i almost gave my all?...

the reason why im here

2008-02-18T02:15:00.000-08:00

well what is really in me?

The thing is i might probably ask the same questions to myself, but all i know is that maybe i know something, or maybe not. the truth is i don't quite actually understand myself truly enough for everyone to know me well enough. i mean i know what course that I'm gonna get when i go to college and what school would i want, or maybe the things that I'm gonna do after i graduate college. some people say that I'm gonna go on full time, some say I'm gonna be a pastor's wife, some say I'm gonna go on missions, some say they don't know. in which is i don't know what to believe anymore, where should my high hope's really should go. the truth is I'm afraid and scared on what's gonna happen to me. i know everyone's scared, but I'm not pretty sure that the people around me are scared the way I'm scared too.

I'm here right now at my grandparent's house, trying to put myself back, or to get myself back. trying to get over a lot of things in my life. sometimes i just wanted to think if this one thing that is happening in my life right now is the thing that I'm actually thinking, or if it is really real? actually i don't know and i'm scared to be disappointed again in the end. i don't want to think that this is it, or this is the reality, i still have some fairytales in my head that i still want to happen in my life. but i'm not sure if the real thing that is happening with me right now can still make all those fairyrtales happen. i know that i still shouldn't be thinking about this stuff, i mean i'm still a kid trying to get my own way.

But now that i have God in my life i just cant go on my own way. oh.. i dont know where's this going anymore. im just expressing the thoughts thats going in my head right now. my heart fells like it's drowning, it's like it's telling me to run away and never come back to the kind of life that i do have right now. i'm just too afraid to admit a lot of things. i've lost a lot of things right now, and i wish that i could just get them back as easily as one snap. i just wanted to cry and cry, just to make myself satisfy with the way that i feel now. i just wanted to be so sure on things that is really in me now, on what is really happening with my life. sometimes i just want to tell everyone that i'm leaving and i'm never coming back! i just wanted to be gone without the people even noticing that i already left.

I'm so sad with the way things are going around me. with the way things are responding around me. i just don't want to see the thing that is really making me sad, that's why i want to run away, i just don't understand a lot of things right now. i have a lot of questions with me, and i'm hoping that with my stay here, i can think of really good answers for those questions. i'm so heartbroken, that i just can't express things greatly..