I always see my life as a fairy tale; no actually I wanted it to be as a fairy tale. I always believe that my life will end with a happy ending like in the fairy tale stories. It’s not bad to dream and to have your hopes high. It’s true, in life anything can happen. I’m really praying for the very best happy ending to happen in my life, and to tell it honestly, I can’t wait to see it and to know how it would end. But I’ve once said that in “Every happy endings, has a great, wonderful and exciting new beginning after It.” The moment that it’s over, you would wish that there is just more to tell. But it’s going to be a new beginning, a new story to tell. How do we wish that we would know what really happened to Snow White after her happily ever after, or Cinderella, or Sleeping Beauty, or Belle in “Beauty and The Beast”? But for me, I wanted my story to be written even after my happily ever after, everything will be written even the sad times and the good times. God has prepared something for me and I just know it that it would be the greatest happily ever after for me. It’s the most wonderful thing. But why do people often believe in fairy tales and chooses to live in the reality? One thing that I believe in the most is that with God, everything is a great fairy tale, everything is a wonderful story. So why do people chooses to strain themselves with the heart breaking and heart aching reality? If there is just only full joy in the world, if people would just look at themselves the way that God looks at them and the way that God sees their lives, if they were just in Him? Then everyone will be happy. Everyone will just have their happily lives, and it would be ever after, or shall I say forever. God doesn’t want us to live not being happy, He wants us to enjoy and just let Him do the rest. But of course there is no such fairy tales without something getting in our way, but still good triumphs over evil in all the fairy tales. Main characters in a fairy tale has always a smile in them, you would just see in their faces that they still smile in spite of all the challenges in their lives that they also go through everyday, but in them there is just this intimate joy that no one can take it away from them. They trust, hope, dream, love, have fun, and a lot of other things that is just really happy. Worries never trouble them; they just let life go through it. So why can’t we be like that? Why can’t we be the main character in our own fairy tale? Why can’t we just enjoy life the way they do? There is such a thing as a happily ever after, if we would just allow it to be within us, and just allow joy to be in our hearts. Fairy tales do come true, I know that deep down in our hearts we still want to believe that there is such a thing besides reality. Don’t let reality get in your way, it’s only one ask away from God I believe. It’s not bad to believe, sometimes it’s scary but just let that joy be in your heart the world wouldn’t mind, and maybe you’ll find it rather enjoying. Even if some would tell you that you’re getting your head way beyond the clouds, if you believe in your heart, it can be yours. You just got to believe, and then who knows you may just have a big break. Just like I said on the first part that “Every happy endings, has a great, wonderful and exciting new beginning after It.” It could be ever after? It can even be forever, starting today. So why not, right?
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Something to write about
It’s late and I’m not yet tired. I wanted to write something, but don’t know what would be the real main topic. So let’s just talk about a lot of things. Let’s talk about everything.
I’ve been away not for so long, but it feels like it’s been very long. I’m not saying things on the literal way, I’ve been away. I, myself has been away not for so long, but I can really tell that I’ve been gone far away, and didn’t even noticed that it wasn’t doing any good for me, so this night I decided to go back. To admit for starters I got scared. Scared if I was still cut out with the thing that I’m usually doing, and then I got scared that it made me runaway. Second is, I got scared because I don’t know the right approach on how to go back. But God pulled me through it, He held me in His hand fast and just told me that He will guide all the way through it; not just in my way going back, but in my everyday life. Can you imagine that? God is always going to hold me? That is just so big time! Anyway all I can say is that I’m really glad that I already got back, God lighted the way, and He leaded me back to where I should be.
God gave me something, and I do know that it is from Him, that’s for sure. To be really honest, it became a joy in my heart and even in my life right now, so for now, God just really wants me to enjoy every bit of it. He gave me something to be inspired about, and I’m really glad about it. Every time I think of this joy that is in my heart, I can’t help but to put a big smile in my face, and if my heart was being seen, you will see it also smiling inside. I’m really thankful for this, and I would never cease to thank God for it. I’ve been praying for it and nothing is impossible with God that is for sure. I’m just so excited about it, and no one or nothing can take it away from me, only God. Maybe I am not being specific here on what is the thing that I’m really glad and joyful about, don’t worry, soon I will tell it, but for now it’s only between me and God, and maybe some of my friends, but you see I’m not much of a big talker when it comes to things like this.
Faith, it is something that I’m really having right now, because faith allows impossible things to happen. Faith is also the reason for having miracles to happen. I am having faith that is only quiet. Things can really be accomplished by having faith in our hearts, faith in God of course. Faith also makes you stronger in your everyday life. It is like an anchor helping you to be still especially when there are storms that comes in your way. Faith is believing in what you cannot see, hear or even touch. It only comes from knowing and hearing the word of God. So technically it comes only from God. Faith right now is what is keeping me going through my life, and it is keeping me strong even to believe in the things that I cannot see, and is far from reaching. Having faith in God is probably one of the great things you can experience in your Christian life. It allows you to believe, to hope, to have dreams that you would see far from happening to you. It is like a weapon, a shield that keeps you fighting the good fight for God. Faith really is a great thing for a person to really experience. I believe it is for the worth while. It also allows you to see things that are way far beyond the things that you can do on your own, but by having faith it is now possible to happen in your life. Most of the time this is what we do, or let me say, this is what we are having, Faith. Because in our everyday lives we hope for something, we believe for something, we dream of something, we think of things, and we can only think of such things if we have faith in our hearts, the thing to believe that these things would happen, that is called faith. So I guess me having high and quiet faith in God is really something to write about.
Lessons Taught
-some lessons can’t be taught, you must live it to be understood. If life were a book you will find it hard to believe that you didn’t found all the answers in your riddles in an all-in-one easy to carry book. Some of it you knew because someone told you, some are because you saw it, some was because you felt it and still a lot more. But there is something, you lived in it before you have learned it, sounds complicated but it is what it really is. Sometimes you will find in life that everything that happened to you was all a test. Everything was a skipping step, actually it really is, everything that you have done or that is done to you lead to something that made you step a little bit. Everything leads to another, or let’s just say that one thing leads to another. In life sometimes we just want to request if God can just give us the book of our life, everything is already written in it. We just read it, re-act it, do the right things according to the book and everything will be right and we will all be happy. But that’s not how it works. God gave us the free will, we can make our own choices and God would just let us. I think that is the hard part for God, in His book that is entitled to us, there is something else that was supposed to be written in it but we switched turns and wrote something else. That is how you live it for you to understand it. If you’re getting what I mean, what I’m saying here is, if God can just tell us straight face to face on what are the things that we need to learn He would, it’s just that we must live it so we can understand it full well. I’m not saying that God doesn’t care, and He wouldn’t guide us, of course that is a big “NO”. It’s just that God doesn’t want it to be hard for us, but the real thing is, it is up to us on what choices we make. And sometimes it’s just so disappointing to make the wrong choices, but God is a God of second chances and there are instances that even the second chance that God will give us is even better than the first one we had, now all we had to do is to make of what’s best on the second one, do the things that we never had the chance to do on the first one, don’t loose a single second. Lessons in life are easy and at the same time hard to learn, but it is impossible to be taught. Having things that you have already done doesn’t make you an expert on how life works. Each person has something to ask about their lives, so how does one person makes an expert on what life is all about. People share different lives, each has its own uniquely description on how their life cycles. Like mine I have my own and I’m sure you have yours too. What does life really have for us? I’m sure that it’s a mystery for us to unravel. Once it was said that “yesterday was history, the future is a mystery and now is a “gift” that’s why it’s called present.” So maybe we can view our life with what we have now as a gift. We can be thankful with the little things that we have now because maybe it will bring us good and big in the future, or maybe bad and just no sense, but no one knows what is ahead. Life is indeed a mystery that no one can teach. It’s only up to us in which we can learn by it. Live your life like your not gonna live in it twice. Some things don’t happen the same way twice, and you may never live your life the second time around. While you’re living the life that you have, make sure you learn a lot from it, because you’re the only one who can learn the things that your life will teach you. No matter where were going it starts from where we are, if it’s more to life then we got to listen to our hearts.
Friday, June 20, 2008
when do i feel most precious in his sight?
When he looks at me in the eyes and just make me feel that he’s so sincere to me.
When he tells me that he misses me to be his seatmate in the jeepney.
When he talks to me and do some lame pauses and just stare at me.
I especially love it when he stares at me and waits for me stare at him back.
When he pulls out some corny jokes for me to make me laugh.
When he asks me if I’m ok or if I’m feeling right.
When he carries my bag even if I still can carry it by myself.
When he takes me home and tells me to call him back if I’m already inside the house.
When he holds my hands so tight that my hands couldn’t breathe anymore.
When he carries me when I’m already too tired.
Who feels insecure when I’m with other guys.
Who makes sure that I didn’t miss my meal time.
Who knows what I really feel even if I’m not telling him.
Who will really cheer me up when the world around me is falling apart.
Who calls me at night just to check up on me.
When he makes the children sing for me a birthday song during his lesson time. ( that’s the most sweetest thing that a guy has ever done for me.)
Who makes me feel so safe no matter what.
Who takes me for a walk when I needed some time to think.
That even if a lot of people are telling negative things about me he will still defend me because he loves me.
Well I still do have a lot in my mind. You might think that this guy would just appear in a fairytale for girls in my age. But that’s the things that I’ve been asking to God, to make my perfect Mr. Right just like the man that I wrote here about. I know that God would grant the desires of my heart, well of course I still have to obey Him and wait for the time that He will make all of this things happen. You might think that I’m still too young to think about these things but you can’t blame me, I’m a teenager who has emotions, and of course I do have my STANDARDS for choosing my perfect Mr. Right. It’s probably ridiculous for me to write about this things but I just can’t help it. One of the person that I look up to, once said to me, that if you have standards for choosing a guy, you wouldn’t easily fall for anyone. Well I guess she’s right. Thanks to her and of course to my best friend (God).
what?
Things in this world are quite a big reason to make us crazy. Here I am writing myself out. About the things that are occupying my mind right now. I feel nothing, but it turns out I’m going to feel that I’m scared and afraid. Then I would feel empty all of a sudden. I mean what kind of a sick person am I to feel this kind of things? There are times that I am just so confused about everything and there are times that I just feel that I’m so sure about a lot of things. Do the doctors have the right to call me crazy because of these things? I mean what are really the things that can qualify you as a crazy person? Some say that when you feel you’re crazy, maybe you’re just in love, but it’s not a good enough reason to be crazy just because you’re in love. My! I don’t even know where I’m going with this. I feel betrayed and don’t even know why. Maybe I am crazy, but the mere fact, just because I’m in love is not enough for me to be a good reason to be. I wanted something to mean a lot, I just don’t know what. How do you make something so important to you? How do you? Why do things in the past still haunt us up to this day, up to the present day? Why does someone feel so special? So many questions, but don’t know where to get the right answers from. So many aspects in life to learn about, but where do we learn it? and do we remember it? Everyday we pass to different kinds of people, different kinds of faces the moment we walk out our doorstep form our house.
to be there for me
I need someone, I want someone, I see someone. But someone like what? How do we really say that we need, want and see someone? How do we? Me I know my own things. I want someone to be there for me even if I’m not saying or acting that I need him. Someone who know things, not just the literal things, but someone that see things the way that I don’t see it. Who notices things, and knows what to do, not even the right things, but for him anything can happen. Someone who is really strong and that he will be the one to take charge of everything. Who really stands for what he believes in. that just doesn’t love but is really sincere and serious about the things that are need to be focused on. Someone who knows right from wrong. Someone who wouldn’t aim for the perfect relationship, but would rather aim for a great relationship in a million good ways. Someone who wouldn’t promise not to make me cry, but someone who would promise to always wipe my tears away. I need someone who would never leave me despite of the hardships that we will go through. Someone who chooses to be with me, even if he is far away, he chooses to be with me even he needs to be somewhere else but instead he choose to be with me he wanted to be with me. I need someone not just to give me a coat when I’m cold but he would also hug me and ask me to hug him in return because he feels cold too. Someone who wouldn’t just understand me and listen to me but would try to feel what I feel, and would tell me that I can do more than I can ever imagine, that it’s just a thing in the future that I would be thankful about. Someone who would appreciate me more that anyone has. Someone who would be so real to me, tell me things that I don’t want to hear just for me to be a better person. Someone who wouldn’t be afraid to have a fight with me just because he is not confident for what he stands for, but would really say his opinion about it. Someone who would always let me know what is in his mind and wouldn’t hesitate to come to me. Who is really up to the challenge to do things with me. Someone who thinks that he needs me more than I need him, and who’s going to love me for who I really am. Someone who believes in me more than the way that I believe in myself. Someone who would take care if me when I’m sick and wouldn’t leave my side until I’m better. Someone who just don’t say that he loves me and acts that way, but even the people around us would know and feel how much he loves me. Someone who would risk anything for me and would just give everything for me. A person who really knows the true meaning of commitment, love, encourage, affection, victory and eternity. Someone who is more than what he expects him to be. Someone who is going to love God more than he would love me. A person who would really know his priorities and responsibilities. Someone who can be in charge with great things. Someone who would cherish me for as long as we both live. Who would even love me more as I get older, and look forward to the many years that God has in store for both of us. A person that would always be there for me no matter what in sickness and health, in happiness and in sorrow, in wealth and in bankruptcy in up’s and downs, despite of all those things. He will always be the one to stay and the one “to be there for me”.
the smile in my heart
It’s late and I need to go home, everything for the day went out just fine. I was hoping not to have any intrusions that would give me a reason to end my day feeling not so good. I just can’t believe that my day didn’t go out the way that I expected it, I expected it to be a fine enjoying day. I wanted to cry, I feel so stupid, I feel so embarrassed and I feel so, it’s like I’m drowning. Drowning from the things that I feel, it’s like I’m surrounded by a lot of people passing through me, and I just wanted to cry. I feel rejected. I just wanted to cry everything for once. I wanted to ask God, to let me cry, just to let me cry. I know that God is always by my side pushing me but I just wanted to cry. I feel so vulnerable that I can’t understand, or let’s just say I don’t know what to do. I feel so broken. This thing I just ask, I want to cry, I want to runaway. As I was walking to have my ride home, I just can tell that everything around me at that time is a blur. It’s like I’ve been ripped apart for real. I wanted to run as fast as I can, I wanted to scream and just cry myself out. I can’t believe that I was so stupid not to listen to the things that I don’t want to hear before, and now here I am having the worst days in my life. I was so stubborn not to see things the way that God wanted me to. I’m just so tired of having my heart being disappointed every time, I’m loosing hope. I don’t know where to go from here. My heart it feels like I’m getting a thousand heartaches at the same time. I lost the smile in my heart and I don’t know where to find it anymore. The rush of a thousand waves are just coming at me and I don’t know how to run from it, the only I can do for now is to let it come to me and crash me. But it doesn’t seem right, it’s unfair to just let it crash on me, I’m tired if getting hurts just because I let it. The tears in my eyes just can’t help to fall and fall. Do I need to let go of the things that are making me feel like this? I’ve been miserable. I wanted to have that smile again in my heart, but I don’t know how to put it back just as easy. Everything has its own time as they always say, but with this when will it be? When will be the time that I could accept everything, that I could accept things that is hard to accept, the things that I’m supposed to see it? My heart keeps beating and beating, don’t know for whom. We were supposed to have two heartbeats one is for us and the other one is for the one that we would love truly. My heart made another beat for someone else so many times. It’s getting a little tiring to always at first have a very heavenly smile in my heart then after it, would just loose everything that is in me, would loose that great smile that I thought would be forever, but I guess not. The smile in my heart suddenly faded away and gave a sad cry for someone that I can’t even remember how I fell in love with, that it just proves that everything happened all of a sudden, everything happened so fast. That I didn’t even realized that the smile that in my heart at that time is the smile that we are all supposed to be afraid of. The smile that would suddenly turn into something that we would hope and wish that would have never come to cross us.