i'm missing home

I miss home, but I’m not pretty sure..

I miss home, but I’m not pretty sure about the things that I’m missing the most or maybe the things that I’m missing the least. All I know is, I miss my mom and my dad, the laughter that we always make every time we stay at the house. Well that’s one reason, but I’m not really pretty sure what I’m really missing after that. But sometimes I just wanted to think, that when I go back to manila I wouldn’t see the person that I’m trying to get over with there. The reason why I went here at my grandparents to renew my mind and heart, to refresh myself, to find and get back myself again. Well I was just talking to my mom a while ago, I keep on trying not to ask about that person but it was just sudden that I asked about that person, and my mom just told about everything that happened there. Oh! Sometimes I just wanted to think that I really do hate myself. Don’t you ever thought about forgetting something? Instead of forgetting it you’re just only thinking about it more!

Sometimes I really just want to think that life isn’t really what you think it is, I hope you’re getting my point. Well it’s life! Sometimes you don’t want the reality, but sometimes you can still change reality even for a tiny bit! I don’t know sometimes I just wanted to know what ahead and what’s going to happen nest, but just as they say your life’s going to get boring once you know what’s next it’s like having no hope anymore, but some people say that’s when you get the chance to change the thing that’s gonna happen to you. Oh I don’t know but for this piece that I’m writing, I really wanted to know what’s gonna happen next once I return home.

Right now my mind is empty, and nothing else to say, but I know deep down inside of me there’s a lot more to say. I just don’t know what and how to start. Well I really do know is I miss home, it’s kind of getting boring here. I’ve just practiced myself that every time I have something in my heart, I usually run away from it. Well that’s one that you can find in me, when I just can’t take it anymore, or I’m kind of getting scared on what’s happening in my life I always run away from it. Even the things that is really good, I usually realize it when it’s gone. Then in the end I’m just gonna blame myself for letting something really good in my life to just let it disappear for me running away from it.

Just when it’s getting good I slowly start to freeze, just when it’s getting real I put my heart to sleep. It’s just this fear always comes over me, I just want someone to understand that I don’t mean to push him away from me, I mean why am I so afraid be crashed down, broken and lose my heart again. I don’t know I can’t clearly see what’s really up to me. It’s the way, the reason that I always doubt myself. I mean I just want everyone to understand that it’s no other thing but it’s what I do, just when I’m about to run, I’ve realized what I’ve become. Actually I’m really not sure if I really do miss home after all…