The thing is i might probably ask the same questions to myself, but all i know is that maybe i know something, or maybe not. the truth is i don't quite actually understand myself truly enough for everyone to know me well enough. i mean i know what course that I'm gonna get when i go to college and what school would i want, or maybe the things that I'm gonna do after i graduate college. some people say that I'm gonna go on full time, some say I'm gonna be a pastor's wife, some say I'm gonna go on missions, some say they don't know. in which is i don't know what to believe anymore, where should my high hope's really should go. the truth is I'm afraid and scared on what's gonna happen to me. i know everyone's scared, but I'm not pretty sure that the people around me are scared the way I'm scared too.
I'm here right now at my grandparent's house, trying to put myself back, or to get myself back. trying to get over a lot of things in my life. sometimes i just wanted to think if this one thing that is happening in my life right now is the thing that I'm actually thinking, or if it is really real? actually i don't know and i'm scared to be disappointed again in the end. i don't want to think that this is it, or this is the reality, i still have some fairytales in my head that i still want to happen in my life. but i'm not sure if the real thing that is happening with me right now can still make all those fairyrtales happen. i know that i still shouldn't be thinking about this stuff, i mean i'm still a kid trying to get my own way.
But now that i have God in my life i just cant go on my own way. oh.. i dont know where's this going anymore. im just expressing the thoughts thats going in my head right now. my heart fells like it's drowning, it's like it's telling me to run away and never come back to the kind of life that i do have right now. i'm just too afraid to admit a lot of things. i've lost a lot of things right now, and i wish that i could just get them back as easily as one snap. i just wanted to cry and cry, just to make myself satisfy with the way that i feel now. i just wanted to be so sure on things that is really in me now, on what is really happening with my life. sometimes i just want to tell everyone that i'm leaving and i'm never coming back! i just wanted to be gone without the people even noticing that i already left.
I'm so sad with the way things are going around me. with the way things are responding around me. i just don't want to see the thing that is really making me sad, that's why i want to run away, i just don't understand a lot of things right now. i have a lot of questions with me, and i'm hoping that with my stay here, i can think of really good answers for those questions. i'm so heartbroken, that i just can't express things greatly..
I'm here right now at my grandparent's house, trying to put myself back, or to get myself back. trying to get over a lot of things in my life. sometimes i just wanted to think if this one thing that is happening in my life right now is the thing that I'm actually thinking, or if it is really real? actually i don't know and i'm scared to be disappointed again in the end. i don't want to think that this is it, or this is the reality, i still have some fairytales in my head that i still want to happen in my life. but i'm not sure if the real thing that is happening with me right now can still make all those fairyrtales happen. i know that i still shouldn't be thinking about this stuff, i mean i'm still a kid trying to get my own way.
But now that i have God in my life i just cant go on my own way. oh.. i dont know where's this going anymore. im just expressing the thoughts thats going in my head right now. my heart fells like it's drowning, it's like it's telling me to run away and never come back to the kind of life that i do have right now. i'm just too afraid to admit a lot of things. i've lost a lot of things right now, and i wish that i could just get them back as easily as one snap. i just wanted to cry and cry, just to make myself satisfy with the way that i feel now. i just wanted to be so sure on things that is really in me now, on what is really happening with my life. sometimes i just want to tell everyone that i'm leaving and i'm never coming back! i just wanted to be gone without the people even noticing that i already left.
I'm so sad with the way things are going around me. with the way things are responding around me. i just don't want to see the thing that is really making me sad, that's why i want to run away, i just don't understand a lot of things right now. i have a lot of questions with me, and i'm hoping that with my stay here, i can think of really good answers for those questions. i'm so heartbroken, that i just can't express things greatly..
No comments:
Post a Comment