i feel empty..

oooh... here we go again, doing another blog and you maybe; reading anther blog. i don't really know much on how i just boast out this words from my mind and heart, but right now i just feel so empty. the real reason? that, I'm still trying to work out. sometimes when i feel nothing, i know that something is wrong with me, i just don't know and right now i still doesn't know why. sometimes i just want to scream as loud as i can just to make me feel light on myself. well when i feel empty my heart feels like it's carrying a big load!

i know that the only thing that can make me feel so overflowing is God, how? well of course you really got to spend time with Him a lot and you should really obey every word that He's gonna say to you. in my case, i mean i do spend time with Him everyday. the problem with me is just I'm still not that sensitive enough with His voice, while I'm very familiar with my parents and friends voice, oooh i kinda feel guilty when i come to think of that. well actually that's one of the real thing God is the only one who can make you feel so overflowing, right now i just don't understand why this is happening to me.

it's like i want to bloat and be unconscious at the same time, it's like i want to tell myself to just don't feel anything anymore, so that i wouldn't be aware with the thing that is happening to me right now. with my last few blogs i shared there my outpourings and it's like in those things that i've written, i have all the answers, i mean i've got all the answers in those situations that i've shared. but this time i just can't find a good reason for this thing, and i don't even know what it's called.

sometimes i just don't understand myself anymore, sometimes i don't even know what i've become or what i will become. ooooh!! the truth is I'm kind of confused at the same time i feel like i do know the answers deep down inside, i just couldn't find the right moment to spill it out.

it's like my whole world is turning and turning but you would feel like the turning is not right, that it doesn't feel right all the time. that sometimes i just wanted to lie on the floor and close my eyes and just cry and cry until i popped my eyes out.

oooh.. I'm soooo confused..