my thoughts for you

April 25, 2008

I just couldn’t take it anymore, I just couldn’t bear the fact that everything between me and him is just a complicated past. I wanted to cry out everything, I wanted to just tear my heart out so the pain would go away. I never discerned that this is going to be harder than I thought. I wanted someone to be with me at these times, to comfort me and make me feel numb about the things that are happening. I just couldn’t stand the fact that we can’t be together anymore, we can’t hold each other’s hand, we can’t hug each other when every time we want to, we can’t kiss each other good mornings and good nights, we can’t tell each other anymore sweet good mornings and romantic goodnights, we can’t tell each other anymore the three words that I’ve been missing to hear; “I love you”, we can’t stare at each other the way we used to be, we can’t sleep in each others arms, we can’t sleep in each others lap when every time we want to, we can’t talk to each other real close can even tell as a sweet whisper, I can’t call you anymore and you can’t call me the way you used to be we cant call each other, we can’t sleep together anymore, we can’t go to my dentist together from now on, we can’t look at each other the way we used to, we can’t pout our lips at each other whenever we wanted to be more sweet and affectionate with each other. All of those things are going to be the things that I can call from now on “our used to be’s”, my heart really aches when every time is see you with someone else, having your laugh’s with them and just trying to have fun with them. Sometimes I see you still watching me and I know sometimes you still want to be with me, I feel the same way too, it’s just that something is trying to pull us away from each other, it’s like a wall is being build in front of us, so that we couldn’t really be together.

A lot of people doesn’t favor us in being together, it’s really just brings pain to my heart, sometimes it’s giving me a big reason to give up. But I won’t give you up, that’s the only thing in which I can hold on to, and that is I will never give you up. You’re the one who made me really true to myself, when I’m with you I can define the real me, I can just express myself the way I really am, when I’m with you I can know my true self. You’ve been a great big puzzle in my life that is really one of the reasons why I’m ready to be complete, why soon enough I’m going to become a great work of art that people would start to really look at and to just start to really appreciate. When we’re together it’s like the shine or the glow that we have within us, it’s like my light reflects on you, and yours to mine. When we’re together we can be the really best that we can be, we bring out the best in us. There is a lot to say with both of us; a lot can be said about the two of us. With you I can dream of us becoming one. I never thought that after everything that happened to me in the past, I never thought that I’m going to end up falling deeper for you, for someone like you. I never thought that I’m going to fall deeper and deeper and deeper, to where I’ve never been before. I admit that during the times that we’re still together I got scared, scared that I’m going to fall in love with you. But I guess fate and God allowed me to, allowed me to really fall for you. If you’re going to look deeper in my heart, you’re really be amazed on how I really feel and how much I’m willing to do for you. I’ve never felt this way before to be really honest. And these time when every time i see you, sometimes I just wanted to hug you and tell you more than a million times that I love you. But I’m not pretty sure that you want to do the same thing too. But one thing’s for sure is that right now I’m going to love you without expecting something in return. This time I’m uttering a promise, A promise that I’m going to love you with all I am and with all my heart, and this time I will keep a promise, I do keep this from now on. . .